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Originally Posted by cierah
Now, I have to ask. If spending time with your family is generally so painful for you why do you continue to do it? Wouldn't it be better to simply cut all the ties and call yourself free?
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Having had all ties to my birth family cut off, I can tell you that from my perspective, it doesn't make me feel free. I in essense did the same thing as the friend in
abaya's story. When forced to choose between my SO, Grace, and my family, I chose to stay with Grace and was cut off.
Having been cut off doesn't end the relationship I had with those people for the first 25 years of my life, and their absense leaves a hole that nobody else will ever be able to adequately fill. For the first 22 years of my life, those people were nearly my whole world, and I still love them. Cutting off all ties, to me, doesn't feel like freedom. Those relationships still exist, broken though they may be, and pretending that they don't doesn't help.
Like
abaya mother's side, Grace's family is of Asian descent, and I can't imagine her being distant from them due to her having chosen the wrong partner. They have no problem with my being the "wrong" person for her. Regardless of whether I'm the type of person they would have chosen, I'm the person Grace chose, so, by golly, that means I'm part of their family. Like someone said earlier, they're like a tv family, ready and willing to take in strays from other families and treat them like they're at home.