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Hektore · 03-16-2005, 10:16 PM

You asked at one point about advice from people in similar situations, I'm going to come at you from the perspective of your grandson and post something I almost can't believe hasn't really come up yet.

While the situation surrounding my birth was not all together as scandalous, the reactions of all parties involved were pretty much indistinguisably similar. Mind you my dad speaks english, but he already had another son to a different, older(than himself) woman, than my mother. He was 18 and I'm almost certain was not paying child support on his other son. You can bet my mother's father was really happy about this. But..with me he did what I'm sure you wanted this guy to do, he went out started working 2 and 3 jobs at a time, whatever he could to do to bring home the most money to give me the best life he could. He stepped up to the plate and became a man. I'm also pretty sure you going to want to find out who the father really is and have him do the same. Man or not, I'm going to tell you something I think you really really really....(continued indefinitely)...need to hear, something I so badly wish I could go back and tell my dad.

Being the breadwinner is the absolute least important responsibility you have as a father.

I mean that in my heart. I would have given every luxury I had as a child if it meant my dad was going to be home more, and when he was home he had the energy to do anything. I'm here to tell you, playing catch with my dad(or hell, even watching the grass grow with him) would have meant more than any amount of anything tangible he gave me, sometimes even including the food on the table.

Don't get me wrong, I lived a happy life for the most part, my dad did the best he could but he cared more about being a man than being a dad, and for a good part of my childhood I hated him for it. Now I understand why he did what he did and that it was the best he knew how to do but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I now think I'm going to have to go revise that 'the last time I cried post'...

After reading your current situation I think the best way to solve your family being in chaos is to let your daughter lead from here in any way she is able to and help her in any way you can. She is to the point where she has to be held accountable for her descisions and has to start being in control of her own life. I'm am going to choose to believe she has matured considerably through the course of having a child. I will say this, even thought it may seem contrary, when you really believe she is going to make a(nother) hugely damaging mistake, don't be afraid to put your foot down. I don't care what anyone says, at 16(I'm now 20) I thought I knew everything. Now I realize that when I was 16, I. didn't. have. a. fucking. clue. what I was doing. Really, if you want to get into it, I didn't know what I was doing last week. People of all ages make mistakes, I think the most important role you can play as a parent is to try to minimilize the truly damaging mistakes, and letting them make a few not so damaging mistakes, if simply to prove you do know what your talking about. *flashback to licking that 9V battery even though mom said it wasn't a good idea*. You seem like a good guy and a top notch dad in that you have her best interests are heart. But like I said, people of all ages make mistakes, don't be afraid to admit it. You can choose to not listen to any of this last paragraph, after all, I'm still a just kid. But I won't forgive you for ignoring the rest, and niether will your daugter or grandson.

03-16-2005, 10:16 PM	#98 (permalink)
Hektore Junkie Location: Greater Harrisburg Area	You asked at one point about advice from people in similar situations, I'm going to come at you from the perspective of your grandson and post something I almost can't believe hasn't really come up yet. While the situation surrounding my birth was not all together as scandalous, the reactions of all parties involved were pretty much indistinguisably similar. Mind you my dad speaks english, but he already had another son to a different, older(than himself) woman, than my mother. He was 18 and I'm almost certain was not paying child support on his other son. You can bet my mother's father was really happy about this. But..with me he did what I'm sure you wanted this guy to do, he went out started working 2 and 3 jobs at a time, whatever he could to do to bring home the most money to give me the best life he could. He stepped up to the plate and became a man. I'm also pretty sure you going to want to find out who the father really is and have him do the same. Man or not, I'm going to tell you something I think you really really really....(continued indefinitely)...need to hear, something I so badly wish I could go back and tell my dad. Being the breadwinner is the absolute least important responsibility you have as a father. I mean that in my heart. I would have given every luxury I had as a child if it meant my dad was going to be home more, and when he was home he had the energy to do anything. I'm here to tell you, playing catch with my dad(or hell, even watching the grass grow with him) would have meant more than any amount of anything tangible he gave me, sometimes even including the food on the table. Don't get me wrong, I lived a happy life for the most part, my dad did the best he could but he cared more about being a man than being a dad, and for a good part of my childhood I hated him for it. Now I understand why he did what he did and that it was the best he knew how to do but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I now think I'm going to have to go revise that 'the last time I cried post'... After reading your current situation I think the best way to solve your family being in chaos is to let your daughter lead from here in any way she is able to and help her in any way you can. She is to the point where she has to be held accountable for her descisions and has to start being in control of her own life. I'm am going to choose to believe she has matured considerably through the course of having a child. I will say this, even thought it may seem contrary, when you really believe she is going to make a(nother) hugely damaging mistake, don't be afraid to put your foot down. I don't care what anyone says, at 16(I'm now 20) I thought I knew everything. Now I realize that when I was 16, I. didn't. have. a. fucking. clue. what I was doing. Really, if you want to get into it, I didn't know what I was doing last week. People of all ages make mistakes, I think the most important role you can play as a parent is to try to minimilize the truly damaging mistakes, and letting them make a few not so damaging mistakes, if simply to prove you do know what your talking about. flashback to licking that 9V battery even though mom said it wasn't a good idea. You seem like a good guy and a top notch dad in that you have her best interests are heart. But like I said, people of all ages make mistakes, don't be afraid to admit it. You can choose to not listen to any of this last paragraph, after all, I'm still a just kid. But I won't forgive you for ignoring the rest, and niether will your daugter or grandson. __________________ The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.