Although I don't have any children, if I did I would go the unschooling route. It's an educational model and parenting model where there is no "teaching" or compulsion of any sort. The child does whatever they want, the parenting side of it is you treat them like an adult. If they want to play YuGiOh all day, that's their decision.
The underlying principle is: learning is more enjoyable and effective if it is up to the child, and if you treat them like adults, they will start acting like adults a lot sooner.
Yes, it sounds crazy. There are no bed times; if they don't want to clean their room ever, that's their choice; they don't have to eat everything on their plate. "Have to" is removed from the parenting process.
For more info, look through the message boards at
unschooling.com and see how parents do this. The most surprising thing about this whole thing is that unschoolers are met with disrespect from friends, family, and other homeschoolers (who basically recreate the school inside the home).
There are several people that have posted on the unschooling board about their having to end friendships and relationships with relatives, because (instead of saying "Hi, little Johnny" when they visited) they would say things like, "What's the capital of Michigan? What is 200 divided by 15?"
John Holt was a big contributer to the philosophy of unschooling.
Here's a 1980
Playboy interview with him at the beginning of the idea that shoving knowledge into childrens' brains was never a good idea.
Here's one of my favorite posts at the unschooling board that I know homeschoolers would enjoy:
Quote:
Hi Candee,
I pulled my son out in the middle of Grade 5 (actually he never went back after a teacher's strike). He was totally shut down at the time and would never tell me what he was feeling or what had happened at school..
I was researching homeschooling and had looked at Charlotte Mason and classical education and none of it seemed very appealing. I thought I would take the rest of the year to research and would homeschool him in Grade 6.
Then two things happened - a teacher's strike - so we had an unexpected holiday - and I found this board. I started reading and had some doubts (I was a teacher at the time). I was gently encouraged to continue reading and learning more. I did!! I became obssesed with finding out all about this thing called unschooling and spent my days on the computer while while my ds played with his preschool sister and did whatever he wanted.
Anne and Sandra encouraged me to pull him out right away - not to wait till the next year. I remember crying as I realized I could change his life immediately and there was no good reason to wait.
He never went back. About a year later we were just sitting around laughing about something and he suddenly just started crying really hard and all this sorrow and stories about what had happened to him at school just came ouring out. Turns out he was being bullied and blamed for fighting when he lashed out at the bullies. He didn't know what to do and, being a private person, he just kept it all inside.
He talked for a long time about his memories then said "Mom when you said I didn't have to go back to school and went and got my stuff and told my teacher and the principal that I wasn't coming back I felt like you were a knight on a charger and you were rescuing me."
Since that time he has opened up emotionally to an incredible degree. He is a happy, bright and productive 14 year old.. He is well adjusted socially and bullies in town who used to torment him now make him laugh. He sticks up for younger kids and has an incredible social conscience and compassion for the underdog.
He is a joy to be around (most of the time - lol) and really communicates with me about his life and feelings. I think he would have been a very different person if he had not come home. I have never regretted the decision and it totally changed my life too.( I resigned my teaching job and am now a freelance artist and illustrator).
You can be your daughter's "knight on a charger"! Why wait?
Marie
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