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BT and meembo, congrats on being involved, loving, protective dads! Do what is best for your children. There safety is what is best! Please keep them out of dangerous situations, even if it involves their mothers.
Personally, I'd give the older children a cell phone and have them call me next time she goes shopping. Then I'd simply drive over and pick them up. First take a few pictures to protect yourself. Then get them out of the car and away from her!
As for the 4-year-old, visits would be out of the question until firmer rules are established. Although most states have laws stating that 12 is old enough to babysit, that doesn't mean the 12-year-old wants to babysit. Once the rules are established, share them with the girl. Have her call you if she is left alone with the younger children. She, most likely, doesn't want the burden of caring for them. Pick up the toddlers and pay her for her time (so she won't miss out and will know that you aren't mad at her, but at the situation.)
Good luck to both of you!
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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god
It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.
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