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Originally Posted by NCB
Regret is a powerful thing, martin. I pray she finds out, but I hope that she takes her time in learning who she really is.
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I have said much the same concerning all varieties of things...mostly sex, hetereo or otherwise. And that's actually what i regret the most. I bought into the production of shame and a lack of self-forgiveness that implies one mistake can ruin a life.
Yes, choosing sexual partners is something to be done with care. No, she shouldn't go out and randomly sleep with women for the hell of it.
But none of this was any different for this person under a hetero idenity. Maybe she finds a woman who really connects, maybe she tries and it doesn't quite feel right. That's life. And yes, you are perhaps liable to get a broken heart once in a while.
But to say regret is a powerful thing? She will feel as much shame, guilt, recrimination, and self-hate as she lets herself. I hope she's smarter than i was and figures it out a couple years sooner. If she didn't need pyschiatric help before, chances are she won't need it now. If her idenity or relationships or the stress of coming out troubles her...by all means. But Sage mentioned none of this, and i can't see cause to refer her to a counselor for no reason other than she came out. That pathologizes her queer idenity, and makes it more likely to be a place for guilt. It seems like you want that counselor to ask "Are you sure? Are you really sure? Women? Not men?" And that's just not appropriate.
PS to Chickentribs...With a slight revision, very good advice. You don't need to dump a pile of magazines on her...but you might ask sometime if she'd seen an article in one or something. Let her take the action in finding her resources. Unless she can't...it's good to let her keep standing on her own feet.