alicat

This may not be the correct forum but given the thread about sharing the bathroom with your SO, I think it's appropriate. With the amount of traffic in General vs. Sexuality, I'm a bit more comfortable posting here.

Hubby went to South Africa very early Sat. morning. We had to get up at 2:45 in the morning to make it to his work for him to meet the co-worker he was traveling with. Now, on any normal day, I usually have a BM twice within the first hour and a half of waking up. I typically wake-up around 8:30 am. Getting up around 6 hrs. earlier than usual, I hadn't even thought that my body would stick to it's routine. We got ready on double-time, loaded his luggage and were off to his work (an hours drive away).

About 50 mins. into the drive I started to feel the tell-tale signs that a dump was going to be immanent. I started paying attention to the road, looking for a 24 hr. place that I could stop at on the way back home---nothing. We get to within 3 or 4 mins. of Hubbies industrial park and the horribly bumpy road (it is winter in Michigan!) is making the problem worse. I then realize that I am going to need a bathroom very quickly and ask Hubby if he has keys to the office. He does but does not have the code to disable the alarm system. We pull in to his work and he says I should just go so I can find a place to use the bathroom. He's going overseas for three weeks and I can't stay with him until his co-worker gets there because of my bowels. Shit. No pun intended.

I back out, wave good-bye, and pull out of the lot and onto the main drive. As I accelerate, I suddenly feel things start to roil down below. I passed a few driveways and still was thinking I had time to find a restroom. No. Suddenly (and I mean suddenly), it became a Cheech and Chong "stay together cheeks" moment. Alas, the cheeks wouldn't obey. I actually, despite my most desperate clenching, felt a substance start to leak. I whipped left into the driveway immediately in front of me and another hard left into the first handicapped spot by this companies front door.

Despite the leakage in process, I was so mortified by the coming prospect that I staved off getting out of the car and actually opened the glove box to look for napkins (yanked it of it's hinges is more accurate). In my car there is an inch thick pile of napkins. In Hubbies car, after literally (and frantically) swiping an air-pressure guage, insurance folder and oil-change receipts out of the way, I felt one napkin (it was dark, around 4:00 in the morning, thus no light). I grasped it and jumped out of the car.

At this point there were no rational thought processes happening, strictly biological. I whipped down my jeans and proceeded to defecate in the snow next to my (open) car door. Even though there was no one there to witness it, it was one of the most embaressing things that has ever happened to me. Because of the "leaking" before I exited the car, the one measly napkin I had was not nearly sufficient. I'm squatting, breathing in exaust fumes, and knowing my Hubbies co-worker is going to drive by any second to pick him up, therefore I had to scoot (again, no pun intended!).

On eye level was the only possible solution, a Micky D's bag behind the drivers seat. I grabbed it and having no other choice, retrieved a napkin from inside and used it. I very quickly jumped back into the car and was happy to find the "handi-wipes" I'd given to Hubby in the deitrus I'd tossed onto the floor. I still had to deal with the uncomfortable "wetness" in my drawers. Thankfully, the car had just been serviced and still had a plastic floor mat which I sat on. Then I had to drive an hour home.

Besides the fact that this actually happened, the most embaressing thought is that someone was going to pull up to work Mon. (today) and see a puddle of shit and a napkin (I couldn't bring myself to pick the first one up, just the second) not 10 ft. from the front door. God help me if they have security camera's and someone recognizes Hubbies car.

In telling my sister this humiliating tale, she admits to me (the only soul in the world who now knows, well except ya'll, but you know what I mean) that the same thing happened to her, only she was at a stop sign with a car behind her and therefore couldn't get out of the car. She shit (shat) herself completely and had to drive 5 miles home. That is even worse in my opinion than what I experienced (although I probably would've said "screw 'em" and gotten out anyway, but my sister won't even pee in a public bathroom).

Clavus: Do you remember my post in your "I've got a vagina on my foot" thread and you replied I could've had my own thread about a "vagina on my vagina"? Well, I think this is my own thread (not that it can rival the toilet brush cup, but I think it comes a little close!)

O'kay, now that I've "bared" my soul, anyone else care to confess to making a mess in your drawers? And I don't mean the "opps, I thought it was a fart but it wasn't" type responses, but on a par with my experience.

Come on guys, I know I'm not the only one! (By God, I hope not).

Ali

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'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

"You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson