I need to hear from other parents, especially if you have been in this situation, but anybody feel free to weigh in if you want.
My sixteen year old daughter, who has been living with her mother since a divorce 11 years ago, informed me last year that she was pregnant. My grandchild was born 10 months ago, a beautiful boy. I accepted the pregnancy and child, but asked some questions and found out the dad was 20, and she had just turned 16 at the time. In our state, that is a felony. So against my daughter's loud protests, as her father, and her legal guardian, I pressed charges. He pleaded guilty and was put on probation. He is not allowed to contact her.
From that moment, my daughter, who has always been a handful, became highly hate filled towards me, accusing me of making the guy a felon, purposely going the extra mile not to listen to me on anything. Her mother is a softie, so over the years I have had to be the one to set limits and enforce them, making me the bad guy. A limit I have is not to let her cuss me out, which she has done since the shit hit the fan, so I have to make a stand. It's ugly.
As her legal guardian, I need for him to take a paternity test and pay child support if he is the dad. My daughter will have none of this and told me to fuck off, not stick my nose in her business.
My daughter requested a court hearing to ask if the guy could begin seeing her and the baby. At the same time, I gave her one month to have him get a paternity test (I know they had been talking). The month passed, so I called his probation officer who informed me of the hearing my daughter requested. So I told my daughter I would show up at the hearing and fight her request and ask for a paternity test and child support. She said if I did, that would be the end of my relationship with her and my grandson. But I had to do what was right (in my mind). We went to court and not side by side. She made her request and I made mine. I got what I wanted, and he still may not see her or the child, and must get tested.
Until he steps up like a man, and gets tested and supports the child if it is his, I see no reason why this man who victimized my child and entire family should be allowed these rights. But my daughter, not unlike many victims of this crime, doesn't see herself as a victim of a felony. All her rage is focused upon me.
I bought a car for her 5 months ago when she graduated high school, and have been holding it until she turns 18 in January and can get a license. Even though she really needs it she told me sell the car, she doesn't want it.
As her father and legal guardian, I feel the need to fight for her rights and those of my grandson, at least till she turns 18 even if she does not understand, and even if I must lose contact with her. She was 16 when this crime was committed against her, and now is 17 1/2.
Have I done what I should have? Or am I off base? What must I do? I do love her, and am willing to keep a relationship with her (if she stops cussing at me). I feel really alone. I asked her if I could see my grandson on Sundays for 2 hours and her reply was "stop harassing me, go to family court if you want visitation".