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chickentribs · 12-04-2004, 02:32 PM

forkies, I feel for you -

I am sure it has left you feeling rather alone in the relationship. It is one thing to explore the individual quirks and kinks that we all have (within the agreed rules between two people), but something else to close out your partner altogether as you go down that road. Have you talked much to him about what's happening, or has it become one of those silent uncomfortable things? Obviously your partner is going through some pretty confusing stuff in his own head and I am sure he is dealing with a measure of guilt over it as well. Those are the kind of things that can make all of us just shut down in our relationships and become defensive.

First, I know several couples (straight and gay) who have very happy, intimate relationships that don't include sex with each other. They reached a point where the love and friendship they felt for each other was more important for a lifetime together than getting each other off was. It's certainly not for me - but they do seem genuinely happy and content in their decision. How do they handle the feelings that obviously arise with people outside of the relationship they become involved with? I can't imagine...

Second, don't make your individual needs and desires less valuable than his. From your posts you seem to really be handling this with a lot of patience for the situation. It is obviously a much more complicated thing with your own histories than any of us can understand in a few posts, but understand that there are a whole lot of people who will be attracted to and interested in you. He should see how lucky he is that you are even asking questions about the future of the relationship. 'Kay?

Sounds like your partner needs you as friend a whole lot right now. Who knows where the road goes from here for you two - but you should have a long talk and find a way to go down the road honestly and supportive with each other, not as adversaries. I think.

Good luck...

12-04-2004, 02:32 PM	#28 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	forkies, I feel for you - I am sure it has left you feeling rather alone in the relationship. It is one thing to explore the individual quirks and kinks that we all have (within the agreed rules between two people), but something else to close out your partner altogether as you go down that road. Have you talked much to him about what's happening, or has it become one of those silent uncomfortable things? Obviously your partner is going through some pretty confusing stuff in his own head and I am sure he is dealing with a measure of guilt over it as well. Those are the kind of things that can make all of us just shut down in our relationships and become defensive. First, I know several couples (straight and gay) who have very happy, intimate relationships that don't include sex with each other. They reached a point where the love and friendship they felt for each other was more important for a lifetime together than getting each other off was. It's certainly not for me - but they do seem genuinely happy and content in their decision. How do they handle the feelings that obviously arise with people outside of the relationship they become involved with? I can't imagine... Second, don't make your individual needs and desires less valuable than his. From your posts you seem to really be handling this with a lot of patience for the situation. It is obviously a much more complicated thing with your own histories than any of us can understand in a few posts, but understand that there are a whole lot of people who will be attracted to and interested in you. He should see how lucky he is that you are even asking questions about the future of the relationship. 'Kay? Sounds like your partner needs you as friend a whole lot right now. Who knows where the road goes from here for you two - but you should have a long talk and find a way to go down the road honestly and supportive with each other, not as adversaries. I think. Good luck... __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.