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Well, I'm nearly 22 and she 21, so there's plenty of time for that...you know, college and all.
I can see where the dynamics might change, but I honestly don't think they should change too much in a relationship with constant communication. At least, not in a situation like ours. What I mean is, while we don't live together technically speaking, when we're not at school we see each other pretty much every day and the only real difference between the amount of time we spend together then and if we were living together is that we don't sleep in the same bed. Otherwise, we don't see each other when either of us is working and pretty much do all the rest of the time. We ate meals together probably 75-80% of the time this past summer while we were home. Naturally, when we're at school it's a bit different since we go to school about 2 hours away from each other.
Now, I don't think that our relationship is typical of most, but I don't think that's attributed to luck or anything like that. I think most of the time people move in with each other too early, get married too early, and do pretty much everything too early. And the sociological statistics back me up on this as well. People who get married over the age of 25 have a 24% less chance of divorce than those who get married before that age, and for those who live together before marriage, I have read of studies that show up to an 80% increased chance in divorce and never a study that shows a decrease.
My point is that I think we don't nag or anything because we take things very slowly. Many people, I think, have a wonderfully romantic view that love conquers all, or love is all you need, but it's just not true. This past 5 years, instead of working on things that come up at the same time as living together, have been spent learning about each other's habits and interests in a relaxed environment with no pressure to find hasty resolutions. I may not live with her, but I know how she does laundry, how she cooks, what kinds of foods she likes and dislikes, what types of shows she watches, what kinds of things she reads, what kinds of decorative styles she likes...etc. Yet, even then, there's still always more. No, it's not possible to know everything one may need to know in advance, but I think it's very important that even now we discuss what kinds of environments we might like to live in, what kinds of names we might like for our children, etc. I think that gives you an idea the extent to which our communication goes when we are discussing these things for no reason other than to learn about each other, and I think it helps tremendously that these things are discussed BEFORE they need to be. And that's just the major things, but it extends to minor subjects as well.
So, what I'm getting at is that it's all in the communication. It's not like we don't get upset or annoyed at one another - of course we do - but it's rarely real anger and rarely lasts more than a few minutes. Most of the time it's just her getting annoyed by me being annoying or me getting frustrated at her clumsiness. But, as stereotypically cheesy as it may seem, I don't think either of us would want the other to be any less who they are now in that regard.
Anyway, I'm starting to ramble...sorry. This is one of those topics that I tend to go off on a bit because it really pains me sometimes to hear about various situations that arise in some people's relationships.
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Le temps détruit tout
"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling
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