Janey

I have this discussion with my friends quite often: what is the definition of gay? is it purely sexual (i.e. physical) or is it in the mind or a sliding scale of both?

for example, a guy who cross-dresses, is not essentially gay because he may still partake in sex with women. But if he is transgendered, is he gay if he continues to have sex with women? Or is the transgendered gay when he partakes in sex with men, because physically he is male (XY chromosome) but otherwise has adopted a female perspective?

Further, what are lesbians trying to do when there is a butch partner in a couple? does that mean that they are not really gay (mentally) while gay physically?