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TIO is correct in that all attempts to use "they," "them," "their" and
related words are in error, because all are plural.
Your original sentence should have been:
...when someone becomes discontent, the first thing he wants
to change is himself.
Educated readers will understand that this does not impute sex
to the subject.
And, by the way, it's sex we're talking about, not gender. Gender
is an attribute of grammar, and English doesn't have it. Always remember:
words have gender, people have sex.
As for your thesis, my experience is that discontented people usually,
as a first impluse, want to change everyone else.
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