Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

anleja · 11-14-2004, 11:27 AM

Dude, what is happening to you now is what was happening to me up until about a year ago. Lots of parallels. We were boyfriend/girlfriend for about a half year when I broke up with her because she was giving me indications she was the wandering type. We got back together about a week later. Found out later that right before we broke up she was pregnant. So, we did what we thought was the right thing and got married several months later... not only becasue of the baby, but we loved each other.

Oh, she had a son from a previous relationship, so in addition to our daughter I also found myself responsible for a new stepson.

Things were really good for a while, but she started to totally shirk all her parental responsibilities... like she didn't want to accept growing up (she was barely 19 when we met). She ended up going out nearly every night, leaving me with the kids, not to mention I had to go to bed before she came home every night becasue I had a morning job. She had no job, I'd come home from work and the house would be a mess anyway.

Okay, I digress, this is to respond to your post, not rehash my old problems. Long story short... she cheated on me I don't know how many times... nothing she has admitted, but I found evidence to support it, without a doubt.

We ended up splitting up, and she had no qualms about me taking custody of our daughter. My stepson is currently living at his real dad's home. My ex and I get along great, as you guys do, no fights really, intense discussions more like it.

She has mentioned to me that she would like to get back together, but I am not going to. It hurts a lot, because I still love her, and it sometimes feels like I'll never be able to find anyone who could replace her (I really thought the marriage would last forever when it started, how naive). However, dignity and self-respect to me are important things to me. I really doubt she could change... most people I think cannot change in such a drastic manner when their adverse behavior is so very much integrated into themselves. If I got back with her, I would bet $ that things would be good for a while, then the same things would happen again.

As far as revenge... I am angry that she split the family apart (divorce was my decision, but a result of her behavior), but I think the best revenge will be to simply live my life as best as I can, so as time goes by she will see what she has lost due to her selfishness.

Good luck. Things are difficult initially, but will get easier.

11-14-2004, 11:27 AM	#41 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	Dude, what is happening to you now is what was happening to me up until about a year ago. Lots of parallels. We were boyfriend/girlfriend for about a half year when I broke up with her because she was giving me indications she was the wandering type. We got back together about a week later. Found out later that right before we broke up she was pregnant. So, we did what we thought was the right thing and got married several months later... not only becasue of the baby, but we loved each other. Oh, she had a son from a previous relationship, so in addition to our daughter I also found myself responsible for a new stepson. Things were really good for a while, but she started to totally shirk all her parental responsibilities... like she didn't want to accept growing up (she was barely 19 when we met). She ended up going out nearly every night, leaving me with the kids, not to mention I had to go to bed before she came home every night becasue I had a morning job. She had no job, I'd come home from work and the house would be a mess anyway. Okay, I digress, this is to respond to your post, not rehash my old problems. Long story short... she cheated on me I don't know how many times... nothing she has admitted, but I found evidence to support it, without a doubt. We ended up splitting up, and she had no qualms about me taking custody of our daughter. My stepson is currently living at his real dad's home. My ex and I get along great, as you guys do, no fights really, intense discussions more like it. She has mentioned to me that she would like to get back together, but I am not going to. It hurts a lot, because I still love her, and it sometimes feels like I'll never be able to find anyone who could replace her (I really thought the marriage would last forever when it started, how naive). However, dignity and self-respect to me are important things to me. I really doubt she could change... most people I think cannot change in such a drastic manner when their adverse behavior is so very much integrated into themselves. If I got back with her, I would bet $ that things would be good for a while, then the same things would happen again. As far as revenge... I am angry that she split the family apart (divorce was my decision, but a result of her behavior), but I think the best revenge will be to simply live my life as best as I can, so as time goes by she will see what she has lost due to her selfishness. Good luck. Things are difficult initially, but will get easier.