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I am not a parent, but I grew up resenting my father because he left my mom, sister and I when I was very young, so I know how difficult it can be to get over deep resentments to a parent. It happened when I was about 4 or 5; I am now 34 and still don't have a great releationship with him.
I hope you don't take what I say here to badly. It's just my opinion.
You are obviously very angry, but I'm not sure if you are angry at her, yourself or the guy that did it to her. You seem to be very hung up on the idea that this guy victimzed your daughter. I would bet that she was a willing participant in the event. Sure it is a felony to have sex with a 15 year old, but I don't really see that as a crime on the same level as rape. Even calling it Statutory Rape has deep connotations that I don't really think belong here. Sex with a minor definately, but that's a whole differnt thing.
She is also very upset with you at the moment. She obviously wants this man in her life, and unless the guy is a total bum, the baby certainly deserves to have a relationship with his father.
I would say that a compromise would be in order. I know the lines of communication have been destroyed between you two, so this is the hard part. You are going to have to back down on your position if you want her to back down on hers. You drew first blood, so it's has to be you that extends the offer first. I would suggest letting the guy see the baby in exchange for the test/child support (perhaps that is already in the work because of the most recent court ruling). How long is he on probation for? Once it is over, can he see them once the probation ends?
The bottom line is that unless you do something to fix this problem your daughter will leave the house in six months, take the kid, and it may be a very long time before you see either of them again. Granted, I don't know anything about her financial situation, so this may not even be a possiblity, but I'm sure she is trying to figure it out. At this point, all you are doing is breeding resentment and that can be a very difficult thing to overcome.
Understanding is the key in situations like this. You must try to understand what she is going through. As much as you feel like she has screwed up her life... it is still her life.
I wish you the best of luck. You have a hard road ahead, and I sincerely hope that you may find a way to put your family back together.
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Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan
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