Oooh a dime! I found a dime under my keyboard! Awesome
Ahem, anyway.
So, I’m still broke. Broke-ity broke broke. I’ve canceled cable TV (and Time Warner is taking their sweet ass time getting a truck out to disconnect it from the pole) and Road Runner will be getting the ax soon. That will be hard. Really, really hard. It will be like cutting off my arm or something. Okay, not that extreme. But it’ll suck. It’s necessary though. It has to be done. I’m struggling right now. My credit cards are all at their limits. And damn if Everwood Season 1 didn’t come out on DVD yesterday. So yes, I went and bought it. And some razors. It’ll be the last luxury item that I’ll get for quite awhile. Hell, I can’t even afford to buy groceries. I’ve got some eggs, pasta, chicken, and that’s about it. So I’ll make that last. I’m going to get a loaf of bread tonight. I bought some blackberry jam the other day, I’ll start bringing in pb&j sandwiches for lunch. I’m making chicken parm tonight, I think I have 4 chicken breasts defrosting in my fridge. So I’ll make that and have leftovers.
Next weekend is my friend Liz’s birthday and we’re going to see a local band play. $12 cover. And for her present she’s getting a pint of Harp. That’ll be a $20 night. I can’t really afford to go out, but it’ll be good for me. Good to get out with my friends.
I need to call around and get prices for my kitten’s vet visit. He’s getting deballed and declawed. Poor guy, he doesn’t even see it coming. I can’t afford that either, but it needs to get done. I don’t need him spraying my apartment and wrecking my furniture (and myself) with his claws. He also clawed my boyfriends mouth when he was visiting. That’s no good. Got him right across his upper lip. Grrrr… I’m also a wee bit tired of being a human pin cushion. So he’s taking a little trip to the vet.
I also need some work done on my car. Fuel injection maybe? I’m not sure, I forget. Oh, and a new air filter. It’s all fine for now, but apparently at my next oil change it’ll be needed.
I haven’t ordered new contacts yet. Probably won’t be able to without a new prescription. Which won’t happen anytime soon.
Just need to keep plugging away. Keep on keepin’ on.
In other news, my Grandpa is in the hospital. Going on over two weeks now. It’s hard for me to think/talk/write about it. When my grandparents visited this summer, Grandpa did not look good. His stomach was very bloated, his voice was shaky and his appetite was gone. He had fallen a few times, cutting up his arms and legs pretty badly. It’s hard for him to heal up now. His heart is so weak. He had a few heart attacks last summer-fall, and had a pacemaker put in. The cancer treatments he went through didn’t help either. At one point the doctors were trying to figure out which to deal with first, his heart or the cancer. And I know he’s just so tired of it. My Grandpa, like most men his age, is so proud and stubborn. He doesn’t want to admit that he can’t do things like he used to anymore. Hell, he wanted to drive up here. It must have been so hard for him to be in a wheelchair through the airport when they came up. And now he can barely make it from his chair to the refrigerator to get water.
As for this hospital visit, he was admitted to get the fluid drained from his stomach. And he’s just so weak. He’s fallen many times when he’s been in the hospital. He’s also showing signs of Alzheimer’s. He’s been so terrified of that for so long. His mother had it. She was eventually placed in a home. I never visited. Maybe I should have, I don’t know. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle seeing her, and knowing she had no idea who I was. To have her call me by a different name, thinking I was her sister in law or something. To know that when she looked at her only son she had no idea who he was. And my Grandpa will be the same way. He is showing signs. My sister says that he was calling her Dorothy when they were visiting. Dorothy was his aunt. He gets confused and he talks to himself often.
My Grandma has talked about looking into an assisted living facility. She’s okay, but she can’t take care of my Grandpa on her own. She occasionally has bouts of vertigo and had surgery for an aneurysm in her stomach over a year ago. They live in Florida, but it sounds like they may move back here. My Grandma’s family is all here. My Grandpa doesn’t have much family. He was an only child, has a few cousins but they never really see them. And there my parent’s and us kids. It would be best for them to be here.
Sadly, I’ve let myself lose touch with my grandparents. Since my Grandpa’s cancer treatments a few years ago (his 2nd bought) it was hard for him to talk on the phone. And they both can’t hear very well, so you have to repeat things. It’s just hard. And it’ll be even harder now that my Grandpa is sick. If they should come here, it will be so hard for me to visit. When my Grandpa first had cancer in his throat years ago I visited him in the hospital. He was all bandaged up with tubes coming out of him everywhere. I stood at the foot of his bed frozen. I remember feeling cold, and everything getting black. Somebody noticed and grabbed me and put me in a chair as I fainted.
It’s just not fair. Our Grandparents shouldn’t get sick. Our parents shouldn’t either. They need to be here forever. They need to be around to tell me stories about their childhood. About what I did when I was a kid. They need to see me get married.
Okay, well that did it. Swallow hard kid, bawling at the office is never a good idea.