I think it's a combination of things really. Like anything else, it's a skill that develops over time, the longer you've been working at it, the better you get. But it's also not about the basic skills involved, but also how you approach your sexualityand your partner's on an emotional and mental level. Sexual maturity and openess are just as important as knowing what to do with which parts. 
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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan
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