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"dirty".. I know what you mean.. and I'd like to think I don't... I don't feel 'guilty' afterwords or anything. Just.. I dunno. I'd like to say it's me subconciouslly being afraid to open myself up to such a level emotionally/spiritually/whaever, but that doesn't seem to make sense (as when I'm in love with someone, I don't really have problems telling them anything.. so you think I'd have no problem having sex with them. And overall I don't.. there's just no.. deep carnal lust or anything towards them hehe)...
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There's a philosophical paradigm that has really taken off since Kant, but has been around even before him that might be somewhat enlightening to you. The idea of the division between mind and body, or the disembodied mind seems to describe your situation.
You experience love as an emotional experience and as a mental experience, but there's no connection with your body. Your frustration seems to stem from not being able to make that connection. Your admission that you aren't even that interested in sex indicates to me that you aren't getting any of the emotional/mental stuff from sex that gives it meaning. If you can start to feel that sex gives you emotional and mental payoffs, then it won't be such a non-event.
Perhaps you've grown up in an environment that emphasises using your head and rationalizing things and de-emphasises trusting your body and connecting with your body. Maybe your view of sex has been disenchanted by viewing too much porn, or the latent sexual images on TV and deadened your senses. Whatever it is, you might benefit from finding out what has deadened this part of you and try to understand how you've come to this point. That could be a good beginning.
As for turning on that connection, that will be harder. Your comment that you're subconsciously holding back could very well be true, and to figure out how to stop doing something subconsciously takes a lot of effort. Perhaps you just haven't found the right person yet to give that part of yourself to... and if that's true then hopefully you'll be able to let that part come out at the right time. The worry is that you'll find a way to keep that part of yourself from everyone you fall in love with, and you're missing a lot of opportunities for a full experience and blooming love for it.