One of the best things about sex is the mess.
Sounds to me like you two shouldn't be having sex. People are different but if you're worried about the clean up more than the act then it seems as if you two lack a certain level of maturity that a couple should have before they engage in such acts. Couple that with the cum fear and the fact that she isn't comfortable enough to offer you more than through the panty sexual stimulation and you've got a relationship going places it isn't ready to be going.
I understand you aren't going to go straight from a first kiss to anal fisting but it sounds like you guys might need to slow it down a few notches. More importantly than anything else, talk it out.
(Nothing I've said was meant in an offensive manner. Good luck.)
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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian
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