Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Girls, What bothers you the most about guys?

Holo · 07-31-2004, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Trisk
Your right, I may have been a little bit too aggressive on some of my points but...most women *will* tell you that confidence is one of the most attractive things in a man. "Nice guys" always complain that they don't get the girls....and people always respond with "well that's because most people who call themselves nice guys lack confidence."
All I'm saying here is that you don't have to be an asshole or a "bad boy" to get the girls. Just show some confidence, be curteous, and try not to make yourself look like an ass.

First off, I want to say I wasn't trying to attack you in my previous post...I was reacting, albeit a little testily, to an attitude I have seen from many women. Obviously I've been that guy on several occasions and I know how hard it can be to talk to someone who society says is outta your league. In fact, a guy's "league" is even lower to himself in his head than it actually is a lot of the time. Men in general dont' get the little ego boosts that attractive women do, in fact they're practically invisible or relegated to nice guy status which is basicaly romantic/ sexual death. This serves to split these guys into two main camps; The leering, drooling asssholes who know they can't get you and decide to be an ass about it, and the guys who screw up all the courage they can muster to at least take a shot and come off as a dork, etc. Many ppl aren't too confident under the "mask" you wear in life, and some have even less confidence than usual. All I was saying is realize if a guy is being dorky it's because he may not be a Don Juan like Plan9 is.

I have liked guys that aren't considered "hotties" by most people...but I find it funny that a guy is telling me to stop caring about what men look like. Girls are the ones always saying that to men. Girls are the ones put in video games with basically no clothes on. Girls in pretty much no clothing are everywhere. In relationships, you're not only looking for a companion. You're looking for a sexual partner.

Exactly. Guys need to stop being expected to not be what they are. We are sexual beings that need a physical component to cement intimacy in a relationship. Of course men vary, but most of us need a sexual component in a relationship and I don't find it unfair to expect that. We all have expectations of our partners male and female, and as a man if sex suffers so does my level of intmate connection to my partner.

As for your first part, I don't care about looks in the context of sex/relationships for the most part. Of course I like the look of a "hottie" but I believe it's more conditioning than personal prefs as I am attracted to many shapes sizes and levels of hotness IRL. I know I'm in the minority of males and it's prolly because I'm not quite perfect myself, but I understand rejection and the pain involved with being rejected. I personally don't believe in rejecting ppl just because I dont' personally find them attractive. The movie Baby Cakes comes to mind if you've ever seen it . I figured I have nothing to lose by giving them a chance. Plus I have a better chance of making a friend out of someone that doesn't work out than you do admittedly.

I find it very hard to be aroused by someone who's body does not appeal to me. I work hard to look how I look....what would appeal to me about a man who couldn't do the same?
While I don't want guys to look at me like a piece of meat, that doesn't mean I don't expect them to like my body as a huge part of my appealing factor. But it's unseemly to stare at a girl and drool. Just because you enjoy your filet mignon doesn't mean you're going to sit there, pick it up with your hands, and gobble it down with your mouth opened.

As I said above, the drooling type are either immature or bitter since they know you'd never give them the time of day. That said, you can't judge all men from those types. You may put a lot of effort into your looks, but all men are trained to like the societal ideal, regardless of how they look or their level of self-effort. Shallow Hal comes to mind. An average looking dorky guy has to have a hottie because he's been told to by society and doesn't look at the real person behind someone who isn't society's ideal. We all want something beautful, no lie there. And if you're close to ideal, then you have expect attention from all factions of men. If you choose a hardbody guy becuase you like them, fine. I'm just saying don't think in terms of leagues when a guy you don't find attractive or a dorky guy tries to make conversation. They are ppl too, and have feelings they've put on the line to talk to you in the first place. They're living on the hope you'll overlook the obvious and give them a chance. Just something to consider.

I dunno...like I said, I did get a bit aggressive there...but I think you were picking apart what I said too much. A guy basically saying he can't read isn't going to impress anyone. I understand that it's hard to know exactly what to do and when....but there are some things you should clearly not do.
Even though you have said I might be a little bit harsh, you didn't say that I was wrong and that those things weren't annoying at all. So I think my point was taken. This isn't the "what makes you never want to talk to a person again" thread...it's the "what bothers you about men" thread. I said what bothered me. That's it. Not everyone has to agree with me. But it's not going to change because someone said they're a little bit harsh.

I'm not trying to derail the thread...just responding to something I felt needed to be addressed. And I did agree to some of your points. My main concern is the caste attitude your post displayed in regard to men who aren't drooling pricks and try to talk to you. I would be more concerned at the feelings the person risked to talk to me, provided they weren't lewd or crude to me, than I would anger at them wasting my time because they'weren't a Social Brahmin. Untouchables need love too, and while it's not your duty, at least consider the human behind the not so attractive exterior.

*edit* And the becoming friends with random people who approach me thing doesn't exactly work. It's hard to be friends with a guy who's wanted to get into your pants from the moment he met you. In my experience, relationships like don't usually end well.

I have the advantage here as a male. You can become friends with girls that hit on you , it's just rare since girls usually never hit on men.

And when you're in a city full of people and you're approached probably 10 times a day during your normal activities, you can't just stop and chat and try to be friends with every guy you meet. Eventually, you just start to avoid certain things.
However...provided the guy is comes up to me in, let's say, a bookstore (and not in the middle of the street when I'm in a hurry) and initiates a conversation...I won't just get up and walk away. I will usually sit there and chat for a bit and not take it any further if I'm not interested. Despite what I sound like here, I'm not a complete bitch to every guy I come across.

Assuming you are that attractive (that's not an insult, I just don't know) I can't say I feel too sympathetic. Sorry, I would love girls to bother me all day because they found me attractive. It's just the price you pay for being beautiful I suppose. Would you rather know the reality of obscurity that a acne-scarred face and a big belly could provide you?I didn't think so.

cliff notes: Men are human too, tho they don't always act like it. Men have feelings. Beauty has a price as does ugliness.

Sorry, wrote another book.