rat

satisfaction is one of the hardest things to attain for someone who never fulfills their own potential

there are a few of those girls, namely the one I'd be more than happy to commit to long term, who actually know me well. They've seen the anger, the frustration, the tears of pain and joy, the brooding and the sorrow, the regret and the passion with which I live my life. and not too many of em were willing to stick around when they found out there was depth to me. those I've written off, but the two that stayed--well, one ended horribly, and the other has been a trainwreck of a friendship/relationship for the last year and a half or so.

the majority of this entire situation is nothing more than an attempt to delve into the socio-psychological impacts of my previous behavior and how to address certain deficiencies from the past in an effor to quit repeating them in the future.

add to that the fact that I'm on the cusp of the maturity-curve when it comes to relationships, and it really becomes a mess. Turning 21 in July, and having two years of college left plants me right in the middle of two age groups I have little in common with: the 17-19 year-olds and the 22-24 year olds. the first group is still maturing and experiencing freedoms in their lives, and I've walked that road. Not too sure I'd find someone I'd be willing to play wetnurse to all over again. The older of the two groups generally involves women that have finished their undergraduate degrees and are either career-oriented or in grad school (neither of which are negatives in my book). As someone still in college, I don't appeal too much to those ladies, especially lacking a full-time job with benefits and the stability that many of them are searching for.

Added to that the fact that the majority of my girlfriends have been "referrals" to some extent in that I met them through friends or ex's of mine throughout the years.

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