I'm not really plugging this site because I don't any affiliation with it soooo...having said that I will share a link that I have found useful:
Marriage Builders
There is a lot of VERY useful information on this site about how to create and maintain long term compatability. The section on "His Needs, Her Needs" is very interesting. The principles are powerful and I've found them to be helpful.
Essentially each individual is unique in what they consider to be their most important emotional needs. That explains the differnces of opinion you have seen already in this thread. If you can meet your partners say top 5 or 6 most important emotional needs you will create an environment where "love" is possible. Please read more details on the site.
Hope this helps...