I"m a SAHM with an in-home day care. We have just a 2 bedroom apt so no toy room even. I do hear ya as for the messes. Most of the time I find I can keep up with the basics. My laundry is my hardest area because as long as it's clean I know I can function. So the clean clothes just sit in baskets in our bedroom. My daughter is 3 (almost 4 - July) and is learning to help clean up stuff. But there are 2 little girls that I babysit full time who are 2 yrs old and 2 (almost 3 - June). So they aren't quite as capable of cleaning but VERY capable of making messes. There are some times when I feel overwhelmed. Usually then I'll get something out that I know they find engaging and just let the mess build. It's a bear to clean up but I know I need a break. I keep certain toys put away even when I have the older kids and use them as "emergency" toys. They are for when the kids are acting up, a bit cranky, or the mess is building to unbearable levels. Then if it's the mess I will encourage them - we can do "such and such" if you will help me clean up. Then as soon as the worst part of the mess is cleared (mainly toys) I will let them sit down to play.
With drinks and things I keep those little plastic cups with lids that you get at restaurants for the kids. Not the kid from fast food but the hard plastic like from Applebees or such. Those I use for the kids 5 and under mostly. It helps keep down with the spills. Either that or I use sport bottles for the kids. The older ones don't mind the kind of individual bottles that you get gataraid in. I just save then, wash them, and refill them with koolaid, juice, or even milk.
I don't have a big kitchen so it's easier to keep the floor clean. I have a drawer full of rags. Washrags that are stained beyond recognition. I'll wet one of those and just spot clean if I don't have time for the whole floor. We have a cat and so I keep one of those mini dustbroom and pan in the bathroom cupboard for sweeping up her litter that gets on the floor.
I use Goo Gone like it's going out of style. It gets everything off from grease, to ink, to marker, and crayon. Cleaning places like the vent over the stove or the back of the stove is a breeze with it. Spray it on, let it sit a sec, and the grease should just wipe off.
With our apt being so small I keep an area in our diningroom/living room that is designated for toys. I don't worry if that looks cluttered so much. I usually try to keep them out of my daughter's room even though she has a lot of toys in there. If they want a toy they bring it out here to play with usually. It keeps her room halfway clean. Also our bedroom is almost always off limits.
There are just time to sit back and let the storm blow. I gotta let mess happen. Not taking a defeatest attitude but not being compulsive either about messes. Get creative. Get organized. The more organized I find myself the less mess I end up with. If the kids know where things go it's easier for them to put it back. (Don't let them fool you into thinking they can't figure it out either.
) It's hard and very frustrating.
Do you have a park close by? Or a nice yard to play in? Take them there for a couple hours. Or sometimes I've even taken the kids to BK or McDonalds, gotten a couple sodas or icecream and let them just play for an hour or two. It gives them lots to do and when you're done and ready to come home there's no mess at home from those past 2 or 3 hours. I've done that a lot if I know I have something special in the evening that I want to keep the house clean for. Makes the day much less work.
I hope something here gives you some ideas. I feel your pain and I'm in the same constant struggle. Plus I plan to start homeschool/preschool next fall. I'm sure that will be a new challege of it's own.