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Old 04-29-2004, 07:46 PM   #18 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Location: CT
Imagine a society in which pants did not exist and undergarments were a thing of the past. With our intimate parts constantly exposed, there would be many a change. In addition to holding our heads high, men would be holding their hips forward to maximize the visual impact or their organs.

Chapped lips, dry hands, scaly skin, all come from exposure to the elements. With weather exposure comes thick skin and lack of sensation. What a sad world it would be if people started to suffer from chapped penis and wrinkled vagina from walking around. I suspect that whole new lines of products would pring up to protect our genitals from the elements. I can see the headlines now: "Make your vagina look ten years younger!" "Keep your dick as smooth and shiny as the day you were born!"

In the summer months, all sorts of hairstyles would spring up. For the clean-shaven, shiny, possibly blinking jewelry would be the fad. For those who chose to go au natural, dreadlocks and corn rows would gain popularity. Younger folks who aren't ready for the commitment of a piercing could buy clip-on rings and stick-on sutds in order to decorate themselves and see the shocked looks on the faces of their mortified parents.

ChapStick stock would double or triple every winter. Men would be purchasing fuzzy tube socks by the dozen every October. Women would be able to choose from a variety of coverings ersembling an umbrella with a knitted canopy. The more conservative among us would opt for old-fashioned thongs, briefs, or boxers. Heated butt plugs would keep you feeling warm and toasty inside during your long walk or drive to work.

The habit of neglecting genital hygeine would disappear. Due to exposure, any odor would be immediately noticable, and promptly attended to. Like unwashed armpits, unwashed nether regions would be frowned upon by society, members of which would not tolerate a person whose below-the-belt area emitted an unpleasant odor. Of course, odor and irritation in that region would be less of a problem, as the free airflow would whisk away bacteria-breeding moisture.


So, after describing our future utopia free from the tyrrany of the clothing manufacturer, I must ask you, in the words of Homer Simpson, Don't you hate pants?
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