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Originally posted by skysooner
Yakk speaks the truth though. It all becomes self-fulfilling. You show her "gushy" attention, she starts to appreciate it and reciprocate. It is a stimulant for the relationship. It is kind of interesting. I can just touch my wife now on her back, and I get turned on almost instantly. There is just something about the familiarity of touching your long-term partner who you totally love that just sets fireworks going. Try it. My wife has become much less needy of my attention once I started lavishing it on her. We are both busy with kids, work, etc. so we see each other less, but our time together now is more intense.
What you will find later in life is that it doesn't matter what your partner looks like. It is all about how she cares for YOU, how she loves YOU, and how you love HER. It is all about people. Nothing else matters like that. This is coming from an engineer that used to live and breathe data all day every day.
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I can relate to this, if my boyfriend kisses me a certain way, I totally melt. My knees seriously do go weak not just the expressions weak either. But he spends tons of time on the computer and I crave more attention. I was just talking to a friend the other day and mentioned that if he would spare a few minutes here and there, even when on the computer, like a kiss or a hug, I wouldn't crave his attention as much and annoy him when I do want to cuddle. I love cuddling and he isn't really all that cuddly except after sex. I realized this and accepted it as part of who he was, but told him I needed some attention (this was back when we first got together) and now the situation is the computer thing, but I will take that any day over what it was like in the beginning with almost NO cuddling at all. And yes cuddling does go a long way in helping a girl feel better about herself. If you don't like to cuddle with her, she may think there is something wrong with her, hence maybe some of her ideas about her weight!
Quote:
Originally posted by sillygirl
Well, if what you're concerned about is her and how she feels about herself then don't even mention the weight. Tell her you notice that she's not happy, and that you want her to be happy with herself. Tell her that you'd like to see her happy, and that because you love her, when she's unhappy, you're unhappy. Don't make it abuot the weight.
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I can't agree more with this! Mentioning weight to her when you mention being uphappy when she is automatically triggers the though in her brain that you are unhappy with her weight and she feels unsexy and bad about herself. From here it is easier to just comfort eat and be depressed than to go work out. And if she is getting vibes from you about her weight she might not feel comfortable working out with you since you are in shape and she isn't.
Since I started dating my boyfriend I have lost almost 20lbs. and I don't work out regularly. It has been more of a change in how I live, but hearing him tell me how beautiful I am gives much added incentive to watch what I eat. When we first started dating I didn't like the light on since I felt sort of unsexy. Now with compliments from him, I want sex way more often (more than he does) and I don't have qualms about the light or even how clothes look now. I am way more self-confident and I think that also helped me in losing the weight I did. True it has been over a year that we have been together and I started losing weight before that, it takes time. And if she does lose weight really fast it will be that much easier to put back on.
Motivation for her is the key. And how you are making her feel is too! You may not be saying it, but it might be in how you react to her when she comes near you or something like that, that you don't even notice you are doing. She will notice and it will make her feel worse. Your attitude probably isn't helping like you want it to. If you appear anything like you do in the posts here then as a girl I would have to say that it isn't very motivating! At all! If my boyfriend had an attitude like this I could see why with added pressure from work or something I could easily get mildly depressed!
That is about all I can think of, but good luck!