Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Part Two:
Put them into the smallest room you have, you know closet or small bedroom. Tell them that they MUST stay in this room only, and none of their stuff, animals, children, are allowed to wander from this area, unless eating or shitting.
Next inform them that ANYTHING outside of this designated area will be thrown away(exept maybe the kid) and forfeit to the gods of tidyness. Should they feel these rules are too harsh, simply remind them they were not invited, and if you are kind enough to put them up, uninvited, they really have no choice.
Next on the agenda.....food.
All foodstuffs in the fridge are offlimits, and there should be enough room under the bed, next to the baby crib, or beneath the dirty clothes for a cheap apt. sized fridge in the dinky little room they have stolen from you.
Animals.
If at ANY time there are fecal remnants, or the aroma of such, inside or outside the miniature paradise they have decided to inhabit UNINVITED, It and the offending member of the family, human or not, will be removed from existance, or at least the house.
Attitude.
Any grief will be dealt with by the ruling authority,YOU. All control of the household is in the realm of the homeowner, and subject to such arbitrary rules as your mood deems fit to subject them to.
Should they piss you off, in any way, they are to remember that they have no home, and are warm and dry due to the fundementally kind nature of the current "GOD", who has the power to banish them all to the hell of the streets.
Finally, inform them that should you grow tired of them, they will be cast aside, much like the diapers of the spawn of thier loins.
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ah tecoyah, on the trail again!
here's my variant of this (which could actually prevent scenario 2):
time for a visit at all the flea markets/thrift shops, etc.
Buy as much junk as you can! I mean, FILL the house! Just leave enough room for you and yours to walk around. Do it right and you might be able to get enough junk for under a grand. Then, when the coast is clear, donate it back at the end of tax year.