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All Possibility, Made Of Custard
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And BTW, here's why I didn't post my thoughts on Kevin Smith's website. He's not very good at taking criticism.
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I know it's the right of all 'net surfers to be far more outspoken and negative than they've dare be in real life, but can some of you reign it in this week?
I like reading this board. I don't necessarily read it just to see positive stuff, but I damn skippy don't read it to come across the "I'm entitled to my opinion" crap some folks feel the need to splooge. You didn't like "Yes, Dear"? Keep it to yourself for the next few days, wouldja? You hate Kilborn? Save your bile 'til Saturday. And for the love of Christ, let's leave any info about Rotten Tomatoes off the board 'til Monday. I've still got four more days of hardcore press to get through, and while I'm all for both sides of an issue, I'd rather wait to read the boo-hoo bullshit 'til after we open.
In an effort to help this along, here's some "Jersey Girl" perspective for ya'll...
1) The film's not gonna be a critical hit. It's an extremely sentimental film, and most critics don't like sentiment. Don't expect big, critical kudos this time around (in fact, we may be less well-reviewed than we were on "Strike Back"). The NY Times is gonna shred the flick. LA Times too, I'll bet. EW probably ain't gonna be onboard.
2) These are the movies that are DEFINITELY going to make more than us at the box office this weekend: Dawn of the Dead, The Passion of the Christ, Scooby Doo 2, The Ladykillers, Starsky and Hutch. These are the movies that are PROBABLY gonna make more than us at the box office this weekend: Taking Lives, Secret Window, Hidalgo, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Acccept it.
3) A killer opening number would be nice, but isn't necessary. We're only opening on 1600 screens this weekend, then going 2000 the weekend after. What we're looking for is longevity: audience word-of-mouth and solid numbers for a few weeks in a row. We've gotten shit-loads of press hits in advance of Friday, and the TV spots are all over the place. And while we won't have many of the critics on our side, if the movie plays as well with audiences as it has been playing in test, marketing, and awareness screenings over the course of the last year, we should glide along nicely on strong word-of-mouth. There's nothing else like it at the box office for the next few weeks, so that's good too.
4) Being contrary for the sake of being contrary (or "honest") is something I'll normally indulge, but this week, give me a break, alright? I mean, shit - we've gotten this board down to an asshole-free zone, thanks to all the protocols we've put in place this last year. Don't be the worst kind of asshole: the fan who's "keeping it real". If you're a fan, do me a favor and hold off on the "Why's Kevin doing all these shitty shows?" and "I'm really disappointed in this or that appearance" 'til after I get through this already intimidating uphill battle of trying to open this movie in the wake of "Gigli" and "Hurricane Bennifer". We've really been able to turn shit around for the last month, and my fingers are crossed for our theatrical life, so it sucks to come here - my home - and find T.P.'s* spouting off. I'm certainly not asking for you folks to blow sunshine up my ass; not at all. All I'm asking for is a little common courtesy: if you're not gonna say something nice, don't say anything at all... 'less you're looking to get banned.
* T.P. is the brother of Rod Tidwell, Cuba Gooding's character in "Jerry Maguire." T.P. was the constant voice of dissension, who liked to "Keep it real."
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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers
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