Bigger penis.

i still wish i had a bigger one

 

I hear you. My wife's opinion is the only one that matters. And she wishes I had a bigger one.

But all you can do is own what you've got.

 

Yes. We had a sexless marriage, and I was very unhappy about that.

But, in the past year, things have changed, radically.

Our sex life is better now (for BOTH of us) than ever before. And "ever" is a long time when you're pushing 60.

We are closer and happier as a couple than ever before.

Honesty and communication made that possible -- including honesty about everything we wanted. And everything that was wrong. Cards on the table.

With full mutual understanding, we have coped with our various problems.

Both of us have problems, plural -- that's inevitable.

(A perfect response to your wood metaphor: "Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made" -Kant)

But a problem coped with is still an unsolved problem.

For example, you could have a very good life married to someone who is paraplegic. The two of you could be very mobile together, with very few limitations. You wrestle the wheelchair in and out of the car without a thought. Your life could be wonderful in so many ways.

But from time to time, you'd look at your partner, and think, or say, Damn it, I wish you could walk.

On this issue, those are the shoes my wife walks in.

 

<ghostbusters>
Whatever you do, don't cross the streams
</ghostbusters>

 

Whoa. Apparantly y'all communicate well & often. I just hope that the above subject is not a frequent topic of disussion.
--- merged: Jan 28, 2015 at 6:44 PM ---

This ^.

 

Communicating is SO much better than not communicating!

I have never in my entire life had sex this often.

 

this is one thing that we face as a couple

 

I'm so glad my man isn't bigger. We'd have problems.

 

I'm grateful I'm not even smaller.

Okay, that was snark, and technically, it's untrue. I am six feet three inches tall, which makes me taller than more than 90% of American men. I frankly cherish the unearned advantage that my height gives me. It goes a long way to make up for my natural shyness.

Of course I am grateful that my well-below-average penis isn't even smaller. But I really try to resist the overwhelming cultural consensus to make a man the equivalent of his genitals.

I know it makes people uncomfortable to include hard words like penis when discussing men's sexual endowments in mixed company. But this habit of leaving out the explicit language strongly reinforces the strict equivalence of penis size to masculinity and personhood.

So frankly, when it comes this specific body part, it irritates the hell out of me to hear that some specific guy simply "is" his dick.

"My boyfriend is quite small." "Ken is average sized." "George is very big."

You wouldn't say it that way about a man's arm, or his nose, or even his brain.

Now, nobody has to pay my picky linguistic preferences the slightest attention. Remember, I'm just some idiot ranting on the Internet.

But if you (not you specifically, noodle and snowy, please don't take this personally) don't want to uphold the notion that "cock size is the measure of a man", you might want to consider how you phrase comments about it.

 

No, no, no, no, no, that's not what I meant at ALL! Shit, I should have been clearer. I am talking about LANGUAGE! And only LANGUAGE!

I meant the cultural LINGUISTIC consensus.

If a guy "is" some specific characteristic, everybody understands you're talking about his penis.

Or, a little removed from the description issue, a guy who is masturbating is "playing with HIMSELF," as if the organ were the self.

Of course people talk about noses and such. But if you were discussing, say, Alan Greenspan's big nose, you wouldn't normally say, apropos of nothing, "Alan Greenspan is really big." The word "nose" would come up somewhere!

If a guy is picking his nose, you don't say he's "picking himself."

Just above, in this thread, the LINGUISTIC construction of "man = penis" was used. I don't want to quote it again because I don't want to embarrass the person who happened to use it.

I thought this was a moment I could use to point out my objection to putting things that way.

 

I'm going to do a quick story and then bail out of this thread.

My dick isn't what you'd call inspirational.
It's a little under 6" hard and tends to turn into a turtle soft.
My way of dealing with this, like many men, is a lot of deprecating humor.
"Hey, I've got a 12" dick, if you measure if from my asshole."
"One thing about Jewish, my nose and my dick ..."
You get the picture.

I brought this attitude into my marriage with Jadzia (and it didn't help that her previous partner was hung like a horse, I've seen the pictures).
She never had a problem at all with the size issue, our relationship wasn't built on that and what I had served just fine.

The problem came in when she picked up my humor about the issue.
She would make the same jokes (and sometimes funnier ones) about my small penis.
After all I was doing it.
Now I'm sure most of the woman out there are going, "How could she not know that was a bad idea?"
Part of it was she had a bit of a blind spot sometimes when it came to that kind of thing and the other part was I didn't say anything right away.
I wanted to be cool, not tell her that it hurt me.
But it did and it actually hurt our sex life for a while because I'm an idiot.
Finally after some honest communication we worked it out.

I guess the tl;dr version of this is, your own insecurities can come back and bite you on the ass even when you try to turn them into funnies.

 

I don't think so. Here's a blogger making this exact point:

All I'm doing is urging this same care in wording!

Can you imagine a whole conversation about noses, without "nose" or any synonym, or even any possessive, being used? Jim is really big. Lori curves to the right. Don looks like a ski jump! Carolyn is kind of turned up. Bob is covered in freckles. Even in a thread titled "noses", that would look and sound weird. But delete the women's names, and it's an unremarkable way to talk about penises.

 

My wife has never said anything negative about it, its mainly my insecurities. that is another discussion for another thread

 

Exactly. So I propose that people not speak about a guy as if he were just that one part. That kind of language is just insidious.

I'll repeat the blogger quote since everybody seems to misunderstand me: