Why am I suddenly consumed by thoughts of sex?

I am a 34 year old man. I am married. I have children. My wife and I have sex on average around two of three times a month. Not a lot, and I'd prefer it more often, but it's tough with two young kids around.

We still have really good, passionate, fulfilling sex. We have experimented with different ways of spicing it up. We've used toys, enjoyed porn together, played dress up, even fooled around with other people on occasion. It's all been great and we love each other as much now as we did the day we got married over a decade ago.

I masturbate a lot. Always have. Once in the morning when I wake up then usually two or three times in bed before falling asleep. If there's nothing going on during the day and the occasion permits, I'll squeeze one in around lunch time, too.

Sounds like plenty of stimulation, right? I haven't varied from this routine in years. So why am I suddenly obsessed with sex like I'm 16 again? It's all I've been able to think about lately.

I've found myself having inappropriate conversations with coworkers. My online porn consumption has increased. I'm chatting sex with strangers on the web. Nothing, as far as I can tell, has changed physically or emotionally. I'm just horny as fuck and I don't know why.

Is this what a midlife crisis feels like?

 

Yes, welcome to my hell.

 

Sex can be an addiction buddy. You need to limit your consumption. It hapenned to me, I escalated pretty fast to very tame regular porn to hardcore smut with punching and fetishes in a short span of time. With the internet making porn availability clicks away, that wasn't exactly hard.

You simply need to ... stop. You have to right now. Start to taper off your consumption and keep busy with other things. Stop with the conversations with the coworkers because that will get you in trouble. I have a feeling you like the convos because of the inappropriateness and possible repercussions involved. The element of danger will just grow with time. If you continue down this risky path things will get worse and you will grow bolder before you know it. You'll fuck up, sooner or later.

Sex is no big deal but to people who don't understand it and most importantly, themselves, it can be a shit situation. You can have the thoughts, but until then, don't act on them even if you think it's just a harmless wank. Don't deviate from your routine and if possible cut down. My rule of thumb with sex is, it's only normal with people who know what they are doing. When you start questioning anything, then maybe you shouldn't until you know for sure.

 

I'm going to say brain tumor, because I always consider the worst possible scenario. But probably it's just a midlife crisis.

 

In that case I too have a brain tumor, I think I've had it since my teens.

 

Fantastically, I actually agree (to an extent) with what Xerxes is saying. I've been going through a similar phase lately and I did find that I needed to stop, think and rein myself in a little. I am single so I don't have the moderating influence of a SO, but I do have other people I am responsible to so I think that helps. Monitor yourself for impulsivity. That would be my advice. When you find yourself engaging in questionable, potentially unstable activities without a lot of forethought, then you might want to do a mental inventory. I do think it has something to do with midlife anxieties, but in my case it is also reactionary: stress of life and school, frustrations over the last few years and, yes, wanting to have sex. Real bad. Really, really bad. And badly.

Have you talked to your wife about this?

 

Gorgo, do you find yourself slowing down when going past car showrooms with convertables on display?
My old dog, Mr Ben, went absolutely bonking mad. He was dying at the time - so looking death in the face and spitting in his eye. Brain lesions can also cause 'shagbag' type of behaviour. (Arent you happier that I have thrown in death and the clap?)
You seem to be wanking with the regularity I drink tea. Like a timetable is in place.
You and your wife sounds like you have an honest open and unshockable relationship - think you should talk to her - and perhaps give her your bank cards if you do find yourself slowing down and looking at convertibles.
How old are you? Double the number - if its over 90, you are probably being optimistic that its a 'mid life' crisis as you are most likely past the half way mark.

 

Have you checked for an extra testicle?

They have a habit of just popping up.

 

HOLY SHIT YOU'RE ALIVE!
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Back to the OP: I'd blame it on the seasons--I tend to have many more impure thoughts during the spring/summer than in the fall. There could also be something setting you off, a new coworker, perhaps?

 

Cue up my mantra: I walk the Earth again; I won't stay dead!

...

Certainly. Nothing like the yoga pants and short-shorts to put every dude in the mood like maybe he just got a shot of Age 16 in the crotch. Living in a college town is brutal. I imagine Florida to be brutal-er-est.

...

Gorgo,

Mm, I haven't put much thought into it, but I suppose my libido is higher than normal, too. I mean, it's always been high and hasn't changed since I hit the throbbing start point. Key to success is appropriate handling.

Avoiding suggestive talk and behaviors around coworkers is a must. Really, anything sexual belongs at home. That includes wanking in the company toilet and all pornography.

Other than the above, you do seem to have the ideal sex life with an open partner that is willing to help you with your wildest desires.

So, instead of cryin' about how horrible is to be insatiably horny, perhaps you should just be grateful that you're getting mad laid in a world where married men have to routinely scrape the rust off their cocks.

Oh, and, IIRC, a midlife crisis is getting a fancy car and jettisoning a blown-out wife for a 19 year old that is only going to bob your knob for a week while you empty your limited wallet.

If you find yourself losing your sex drive, trying to get on a testosterone supplement, buying a Corvette or looking at college girls on OkCupid, that's a midlife crisis.

 

...same with the hot girlfriend?

 

Unsurprisingly, I am in more or less agreement with Plan9 (welcome back, buddy!): the issue is not your horniness, it's your behavior. Lots of wanking, more porn, more desire for sex, does not necessarily = a problem. Sex chatting strangers online and inappropriate convos with coworkers may, however = a problem.

I know I personally tend to cycle in my sexual drives, from being merely horny, to being hornier than a goat who's taken vows of celibacy, to being hornier than a ten-peckered owl on Viagra, and back again; and I always have been so. I get the horniness factor, and I get the desire to do and say inappropriate things. Believe me, I do. But there is a time and place for everything, and the time and place for you to sex chat and talk about inappropriate stuff is with your wife or with those whom your wife knows about and has approved. I would tell you to take yourself in hand, but you seem to be doing plenty of that.

So just try to keep to reasonably safe and honest risque behavior, and if you can do that, don't worry about the rest.

 

I'm into thoughts of sex all the time. I have to remember to look away when a hot women walks by so I don't run into a wall! I just got divorced and am 32. I actually slept in the basement of my X's house for the last 6 months while we got her house out of my name and I could get my own place...living w/o SO sex means I use to masturbate nightly. I just got internet today, so I suppose I'll start up the nightly ritual...later

The only thing I can tell you is to try baby steps. I'm starting moderation management for my drinking. That’s one of the biggest things they preach is focus on small improvements...like don’t try quitting cold turkey. Works for some, but not all.

Try to find creative ways to have more sex with your SO. Something I wish I would have done to improve my relationship...it can be done, but you need buy in from both parties. Make "date-night" time away from the kids and do something crazy with her! Perhaps if you get what you are looking for more from her AND curb you "personal" time, you may yet find happiness.

 

I'm in a similar situation to you and I sympathize.

The superficial answer is that it's a symptom of Spring/Summer. Suddenly you're surrounded by flippy sundresses, tank tops and sandals instead of Parkas, scarves and mukluks. Without all the crappy weather you're also able to get out more, or would if you didn't have so many responsibilities, and so have a heightened and antagonizing sense of oppression.

1st step is to not be an asshole and cheat. A good rule of thumb is, if you have to lie about it to your partner, it's over the line.

I'm going to generalize here so please forgive my assumptions, but try to find some sympathy for your wife's predicament and see if you can ease her load of child care responsibilities.

Unfortunately, just because you start doing the dishes more often and cleaning up after your self her loins won't suddenly alight. That's a sex fantasy as much as anything else. But it will give her a chance to rest and cool any resentment towards you so later on down the line when the kids are older your relation ship can build from a stronger base.

You really need to take a long view of your relationship and its bond rather than constant gratification of sex and heat.

Beyond that, consider your attitude towards sex and where it comes from. How "mature" is it. Are you still a 15 year old on the inside? If so, then why are you holding on to that approach? Insecurity? Too much frat-boy humour consumption? (I think this is actually a much stronger, more negative influence on men than porn). I would try to curb that feed and expand your horizons and see if that helps temper things.

But keep wanking because let's face it, you need an outlet.

 

Nothing's changed about my physical needs, it's just a mental thing. I don't think it's heading to anything dangerous for my relationship, as my wife has always been game to indulge me in whatever new kink I wanted to try, and I'm not dumb enough to fool around on her.

I really hope it's just the last gasp of my young man's hormones and after a while my sex drive will start to wane a bit. Don't get me wrong, I still want to stiffen up on command, I just don't want unnecessary boners rubbing against my desk at work all day long.

 

I am going through the same for several months. I really really want to have some hot hot sexual time. Not going to happen. Nothing can be done about it. I just need to find some way to come out of this!!!

 

I read, this week, that all great geniuses were massive wankers. Perhaps you are just becoming smarter as you grow older, and are now verging on genius?

 

It is not so simple... At least in my case.
I am are horny all the time, crave for porn/relief. The thing I hate most is that I look at most people sexually. I don't like myself like this.