What makes kids have no respect for adults?

I have this 10 year old niece that I just can't stand! Most people can't stand her because she's rude, sarcastic, a smart ass, and loud. She'll do weird things like keep poking you and start speaking gibberish. She'll stare at your face and smile creepily and move in close knowing it makes you feel uncomfortable.

She's so bad! She always tries to "argue" unintentionally by pointing out what you say is wrong or whatever. She's a smart girl and gets straight A's...she brags about it and thinks she is the smartest kid in her school. She got into a hard to get private school and is snooty about it now. She always gets her way...my parents spoil her! But at the same time she's bad and gets yelled at.

Her mom disciplines her but it doesn't seem to work. I don't know why. I think that's just how she is! I hate it! I just want to knock my niece down a couple of notches so she's not so snobby of her intelligence. She has a good amount of friends and other kids seem to like her though probably cuz she's loud and crazy and kids like that.

 

Why should anyone respect someone just because they are older?

It sounds to me like the kid in question is a bit hyperactive and very bored. She certainly needs to be challenged (positively if possible) if she jabs people or is overtly rude, but she also needs to be engaged.

When someone is young it really means you ought to cut them a bit more slack and expect them to be immature, rather than expect them to be meek and mild.

Like with any other relationship in life, respect is earned. If you think you are automatically entitled to it because youre older than someone, you might struggle to get it.

 

Hi Chelle ... good to see you

What Rogue says.

 

What GG said. She'll never learn if she's not corrected. Be prepared to do so yourself, in a calm and considerate manner. But also be prepared to tell her parents that their daughter's behavior is unacceptable, and has to change.

 

I think you can really help your niece by asking yourself this question: "What makes kids have respect for adults?"
And then act accordingly.

 

It has jack all to do with whether or not she has respect for adults or whether or not the adults deserve her respect. Geez, she's an attention seeking, spoiled adolescent lacking in manners. Period. Little to no concept of common courtesy and consideration of others. It's an American epidemic.

If it were me, I would refuse to engage with her at all if she treated me the way you described, Chelle. I would deny her what she feeds on. Tell her you don't appreciate her behavior and walk away. If she's at all concerned about what that behavior is, tell her to ask her parents. She is her parents' problem after all, not yours. You are not going to fix her, though you can support her parents' efforts to do so, if and when they acknowledge the problem and institute ways to deal with it.

As an afterthought, she may have a mild personality disorder. I'm thinking Asberger's or possibly a touch of narcissism. Best to catch these things early.

 

This is one of the main reasons I'm Not having kids. They annoy me so much.

 

What children need to really learn these days is how to adapt their behavior to changing situations. This is not only epidemic with today's generation of children, but with (at least) the previous one, as well. I do think it has to do with narcissism as well as society's lowered expectations. I see this in my 13-year-old and all I can do is point out to her when I see it: 'you don't treat me or your sisters like you do your friends. you need to practice adapting your behavior for the people you are around.' She understands it intellectually but still struggles with it, esp. when she gets excited about something. Children, these days, take a lot of personal pride in their wit and in that nebulous behavior they refer to as 'being random' (which, from what I can tell, means doing and saying whatever pops into your head which is, you know, problematic). That said, she doesn't get up in the face of outside family members or adult acquaintances - so she does appreciate some boundaries, some self-control. It sounds like your niece possesses her own variety of this behavior and needs to be coached in developing more self-control. It will help her in the long run and allow her to hold onto those behaviors that she enjoys (and is prob. appreciated for) when among her peers while learning the benefits of adapting her behavior to get the best responses from other people. I think the best way to go about this is to consistently communicate with her: let her know how her behavior makes you feel and how you want to be treated. I don't think it's a good idea to shun her or make her feel like you don't like her for her behavior. At ten years old, she's not going to understand that or be able to make good use of it. It's just going to hurt her feelings. That said, don't expect change overnight...if at all. Like others have said, she's not your child and your limited interaction with her is only going to go so far.

 

Use one of these. Right between the eyes. Works wonders. I call it character guidance.

 

To quote Dr. Phil; and use the only quote he’s uttered that is worth re-uttering, “You teach people how to treat you”. If she is getting good grades and has lots of friends, as well, it sounds like she is doing okay elsewhere and can adapt to situations without issue. Perhaps something about your receipt of her delivery is causing her to deliver a stronger or skewed/inappropriate message.

She is sensitive enough to see right through your disapproval and thus, enjoys the thrill of the friction. I’ve seen kids do this a million times. I’ve seen adults do it, too. But, most people will only go as far as you will allow them to.

Do I sense some jealousy, here? What’s more concerning is your desire to “knock her down a few notches”. I think it’s wrong to assume that children should act like adults. We all can attest to the plethora of stupid things we’ve done and sampled in the name of immaturity. Our kids are messed up not solely due to the media pull, but also due to our own narcissistic need to fill our time with everything but them.

Maybe she wants to hang out with you. Sure sounds like she's trying to get your attention.

 

My sister-in-law was the same way (she was 8 when I first met her). But she wasnt with me. Why? Simple. I didnt feed into it. I didnt argue (why are you arguing with a ten year old?). I listened (I always listened) and responded accordingly. Now, twelve years later, shes closer to my wife and I over the entire family. It turns out that no one wanted to listen to her as she was growing up. No one wanted to be around her and no one cared to find out why she was like that. All she wanted was for someone to listen because her parents definitely werent.

So try listening. Try to befriend her. Try to be the adult and exercise patience. She may be a pain in the ass but shes only 10. Im pretty sure you werent a perfect ray of sunshine either at her age. And last, in considering my personal experience, you may actually find a wonderful person hidden in that little terror.