Wedding gifts four/five years after the marriage?

Maybe I'm way behind the times, or maybe I'm not.

Here's the situation:

We're friends with a couple who have two grown children. On Tuesday we received a written invitation from one of their children to "share & celebrate" their marriage, which included a wedding & gift registry card.

The couple has been married for at least four years, probably five years. They were married shortly before he joined the army. He served three years, and has been out of the army for at least one year.

Here's the thing we don't quite understand. We've received "after the fact" invitations where couples wanted to celebrate with friends & family that weren't able to attend the actual wedding for whatever reasons (usually the wedding was out-of-state). But those invitations were sent not long after the marriage, and never asked for gifts, in fact they specified no gifts.

I asked my wife about this, and before I even finished speaking she called the gift registry "really tacky."

Getting them a gift is no big deal, but them asking for gifts seems odd under the circumstances.

What says you, fellow TFPers?

 

Yeah, I'm way too Cynical Blue Collar to believe in giving someone presents simply because they haven't gotten a divorce yet.

Your wife called it, brah. Who the hell does this?

 

So we're not the only ones who find this situation odd (to put it politely).

We, mostly my wife, have known the couple and their children for over 20 years. We'll probably attend the "celebration" and get them a modest gift such as a gift card to one of the stores they listed.

I joked with my wife that maybe we should get them a book on wedding and anniversaries etiquette.

 

Don't cave. Your presence should be enough. This "trophy for being alive" crap has to stop with the previous generation.

If possible, shame him for being a weak-ass soldier.

 

I recently received a "GoFundMe" request to put a neighbor's kid through college. REALLY?

Nice try; but I just delete that shit and move on. I'd do the same in this case.

 

Did they have an actual wedding ceremony/party when they first got married? Maybe they couldn't, and this is their chance to have something on par with that. (or, the more cynical part of me is saying, 'maybe they need stuff now that they aren't on military payroll anymore.')

My dad & stepmom waited to have the "reception" part of their wedding for various reasons. Though that was a few months after they got married, not a few years.

 

I'm all for having a party at any time for any reason.

Asking for gifts, not so much.

 

I want to party with you.

 

I don't know if they asked for gifts or not (I was only 9), but I do know that gifts were there, and opened. I was mostly just pissed that I had to wear that damn dress again (nine year old Cinna was not so much a fan of dresses.)

 

I believe that their actual marriage was a very small ceremony, maybe even just a civil one. I know it was done on the quick because they were waffling about waiting to get married until after his enlistment ended, and money was an issue. This one is being held at a church; I have no idea how elaborate/formal it will or won't be.

The big thing for me is they've been married now for four/five years. I can understand an anniversary celebration, or a house warming party, that includes in some way the wedding celebration they didn't have. Maybe they had to wait this long to save the money.

 

I realise it's a bit out there, but my suggestion is "why not ask them what the deal is?".

Like "thanks for the invite, it's quite unusual to ask for gifts for an anniversary oarty, whats the story?"

 

This.... Since it's so odd, I'm being optimistic to think there's a reason for it.

 

I've been considering this ^.

 

Well, the standard rule is to get a rough idea of how much they will be spending one your for the party (food, open bar, etc.) and make sure your gift matches or goes over that.

 

I never heard that. We usually figure how well we know the couple, and what our finances are like.

 

We were friends with a couple, the wife was (a) Princess Wannabe. She would fret over "proper" gifts like no one I had ever met. Most of our friends have 'working joe' backgrounds--No gift would be an insult, but the cost of the gift wouldn't be an issue. I don't believe in "Keeping up with the Jones'" if it means spending money we don't have to spare.