"Vampire Men: sucking the fertile years from their girlfriends"

Yes, that's really the title of this article.

Honestly, the title of this article turned me off a bit, but I do recognize the situation and fear this sort of thing happening to me in the next few years. I am 26, will finish my doctorate at 28, will probably complete a residency by 30.. and I still would like to have children. Part of me is wondering if that is a good idea, let alone possible.. and that isn't even considering the fact that I am not in a relationship. Adding that to the equation, it almost looks impossible for me to have a family and a couple kids by the time I'm 35.. as well as starting a career. Awesome.

Back to the article and away from my nightmares, though.. have any of you ladies been in a relationship with a man you would consider a "vampire" by these standards? Have any of you men BEEN that vampire in a relationship? My last serious relationship was with one.. He was 30 at the time (I was 24) and spoke in "someday" terms but not with me in the picture. He constantly seemed like he had one foot out the door, and I can't imagine dating him at 28, with the "deadline" looming.

Disclaimer: Working with developmentally disabled children this summer might have made this topic more prickly in my mind.

 

The article comes off VERY anti-men. I agree with what they have to say to an extent, but they take it too far. If a girl really wants that now then GO GET IT. Don’t wait for someone else to be ready. There are millions of eligible members of the opposite sex out there, don’t settle. I know what sounds harsh, but it’s true.

I am suffering this right now. I am wishy-washy about the whole having kids now thing. I am a squeak older than you and that puts the females I hang out with in the baby stage, so it makes it hard to even start a relationship with anyone because it is always on their mind.

I think that one of the biggest causes of this whole “vampire” stage in our life is the fact that we live so long. We no longer get married and start having kids at 15 because we don’t die when we are 40, we can have very high standards of life up into our 70’s and beyond. That makes settling down into children and a routine when you are only 1/3 of a way through your life very difficult.

 

My S-I-L is a very accomplished professional who blew 11 years with a guy that essentially ran away. Now she is past child-bearing years and regrets it very much. My wife is also very accomplished (we both have very demanding careers) but together we make it work. Fatherhood was one of the best things I've ever done.

 

My girlfriend has NO intentions of having kids.

I don't want a kid tomorrow ... I'm also not sure that I don't entirely want kids.

She's 29.

 

Reading this article makes me mad. Not at the "vampire" men, but at the author and his slant. He's sensationalizing something that both sexes are guilty of doing to each other and tossing it all on the male home front.

 

I am not going to argue that the article is well written or isn't anti-men, but it does bring up an interesting phenomenon.

In other discussions I've had in relation to this idea, the point was brought up that during their early twenties, often the pattern is now for young men to want to build relationships/settle down, while younger women have "plenty of time" and don't want to be locked into anything as they start careers and figure out their lives. I experienced that myself! However, when women get closer to the late twenties and realize that the clock actually *is* ticking, men at their age who haven't settled already are often in the mindset of not being sure they want to settle - and it's ok, because they have plenty of time! They can date someone younger and procreate well into middle age. The tables turn, and it's difficult to navigate.

So, when does it become okay for women to bring up that they are interested in having children within the next X years in the dating arena? That's the big issue at stake here - bring up kids within the first few dates, and you get labeled as "baby crazy" (or "in the baby stage" as blahblah454 put it), but it really is something that needs to be considered. There's a point in a woman's life where, if she is interested in having biological children, it needs to happen on a timeline (especially if she wants more than one), but there is a huge social stigma around bringing that up while you're dating. But how do you weed out the guys who just aren't sure they want a family, without mentioning it? Why isn't it considered responsible and realistic instead of "crazy" to talk about these things?

 

I'm highly disappointed that this thread isn't about Twilight characters. Title is totally false advertising.

...

Holy First World Problems, Batman!

Martian kinda hit the spot. It takes two to make a baby and it's certainly easy enough to find someone who'll do the deed.

I don't have FaceySpace, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I could find about a million women from 24-28 with newborn infants.

That and I think the movie Idiocracy pretty much covered the reasons why this is only an issue for a certain special group.

Young, intelligent men and women don't want to rush into the shackles of marriage and children. Why should they now?

They've got hobbies. They've got ambitions. They don't wanna be tied down. They want a BMW. Vacations to Mexico.

It's hard to work on your third degree and do pottery classes and hit up pilates and play rugby when you've got a kid at home.

Reproduction is something the proles do when they're bored. It's what happens in the ghetto when the power goes out.

We live in a world where half of everybody is divorced and we've moved from engagement rings to prenup signings.

Apparently it's hard to find the right person. Young intelligent white people are selfish, wishy-washy and way emo.

Honestly, if you're 20-something and getting a tingling in your loins for reproduction, it should be a date topic.

It's no different than the sex talk, the drug talk, the money talk or any of those other talks white people have.

...

If you're in a relationship and not getting what you want, it's because you're not communicating. Whether it's who does the chores, what do to on the weekends, a secret desire for blowjobs or if and when to start a family, it all comes down to one key thing: sharing your needs with your partner.

...

My exwife was all over this shit: She wanted to be knocked up the second I got back from Afghanistan.

I told her I wanted a college degree and a job first. You know, those things you use to support a family.

That wasn't fast enough for her. She dropped my ass so quick and was pregnant less than a year later.

Good for her.

 

It's not always a case of "he'll change." It's often a case of "yes, I want that someday, but I don't feel ready *yet*." You must weigh the pros and cons of giving up a successful, long-term relationship with someone who *might* feel ready soon for the idea of having children.. which you would ideally do with a loving partner in a long-term relationship, and you're not sure you want to have kids of there's no relationship involved.

Most people would tell that woman to be patient, that there's "still time." Especially if she's in her late 20s or maybe just hit 30. Are you implying that you'd rather see women drop solid relationships at a certain point because he's "not sure?" It's a very difficult decision to make.

 

People drop relationships for a lot less. Given the nature of the commitment, I'd say it's a pretty good reason to ditch someone.

 

This is just another symptom of the messed up relationships society has now. And yes, everyone is to blame.

Men have always wanted sex, Feminists wanted women to be able to have sex like men. Why would any guy in his 20s-30s want to have kids and responsibilities. I would feel bad if I lost my job, but if I had a kid and a wife, that takes it to a whole other level.

I will also say that women are to blame for the guys they choose to sleep with. Some of the guys are winners and cool, but there are a lot of stupid guys out there who aren't worth it. Yet, if they, and in turn the female 'competition' gives it up after a date or two, why would guys want to stick with one girl, pay lots of money, and be on the hook for $250,000+ in child expenses unless it was a really long-term stable relationship?

 

I was kinda with you until this point. Then you lost me. Kinda like you usually do when I read your stuff in Politics. Anyway, this assumes women shouldn't have sex at until it's baby time. Sex is sex, kids are kids. Sure, one leads to the other if you're a chimp, but not if you're a human. That and I'm pretty sure whenever a young white male says "feminist" it's basically like dropping the N-bomb. Everybody should be able to fuck and have a family. It's up to the individuals to find each other and make their dreams happen. All it takes is communication. Man, that's a boring solution.

Are there a lot of playboy manchildren out there? Sure. And just as many indecisive young women that enjoy carving notches.

The last thing we need is someone shutting the pussy spigot down.

Bad for morale.

 

It is those indecisive women carving notches that leads to this problem that the article talks about though. And the fact that there are new young women entering the dating scene everyday.

This problem is what happens in a serial monogamous world. What the 35 year old woman wants is the monogamous world that my parents and grandparents had. I've been around couples who have that long term bond, but it isn't always exciting, but it is fulfilling. It is what is missing in my life.

And it isn't shutting the pussy spigot down, it is just that they need to have sex with their partners a lot more.

 

And new young men. Your point?

It only makes sense if that's what you want. We don't practice arranged marriages anymore, we don't live in an agrarian society anymore. And there is little need for every couple to go all nuclear family. I previously stated that sex and kids are completely separate entities in the modern world of condoms and blowjobs. I don't think people are any more horny than they were 50 years ago, just maybe that it's more okay to talk about it and, better yet, do something about it. You can get all Sarah Palin family values if you want, but we aren't like grandpa and grandma these days.

Wait, what?

Which partners? How do they find these partners? And where are men in this? And what happens if things don't work out or they want a new partner? I mean, are we drawing names out of a hat and in it for life or what? People "date" a lot these days. Marriage / families are a separate step. I've been banging the pink out of my girlfriend's cervix for three years now and I'm relatively happy even though I'm not married and don't have kids.

It probably wasn't your intent, but your post seems a little like slut shaming.

 

This may or may not be entirely relevant but in my "inner circle" of friends, I'd identify the cases of myself and 3 of my friends as completely contrary to that article.

All four of us are doing financially, academically and professionally well, and all four do not mind settling down in their 20s. This group includes Atheists and Theists, as well as from the West, Middle East and East Asia.

One is married, two are engaged (incl. me) and one is single. And the one that's single may not be the wealthiest of the group (still middle-class though), but he is extremely attractive (remember my bare-chested duck-face friend, Plan9 ?), very outgoing, great personality, disciplined, smart, academically top-notch in his field, not afraid to commit and very wanted by the opposite sex.

The reason he's still single is the one thing that unites the four of us: we have high standards. Specifically in the areas of intelligence, personality, loyalty and promiscuity. Promiscuity and Disloyalty are complete dealbreakers. And just because of those two, we can already rule out more than two-thirds of women in the Western world. (Probably more, but why bother with the trivial stuff.)

This.

I see one of the major causes for that negative ending for professional-/academic-minded young women in the "Let's go and have fun!" idiots you find pretty much anywhere.

Those people who can't see beyond the next 3 hours of their lives and are only concerned with entertaining themselves by indulging in lots of "fun" activities, party hard, drink stupidly and have lots of unbridled sex.

It's also my opinion that girls specifically are targeted by their social environment to join the Fun-clusterfuck-train. Not only by horndog men who want them to get drunk so that they put out easier while unconscious, but also by other fun-minded females who see it necessary to let everyone be a part of their awesome nights out and making sure they don't "miss out".

As others have pointed out: both genders are at fault. The situation is the way it is right now, and hopefully you find the right guy to go along with your wishes before you "run out of time".

 

Oh, good... more undercover slut shaming from the social visionaries in the Middle East.

 

It's great that I get my subliminal messages identified by a toilet salesman.

 

Everybody shits. Including you... in this thread. Please tell me again exactly how wholesome all your rich male friends are because I don't believe it.

It's okay for men to have notches. Not women. Which makes perfect sense considering the stories I've heard about those places with the blue lights.