The downside of misguided peer support

This will be probably a fairly boring social commentary. Last week, a house owned by my wife and her two brothers was burglarized. The house was their childhood home, and they inherited it 11 years ago when their mother died. We have all lived in it off and on ever since, although it has been mostly empty for the last three years. They will eventually sell it, but the only things in the house now are furniture and family memorabilia. All of the valuable items were removed years ago, and currently it’s simply full of clutter.

A week ago, my wife was alerted by a neighbor who noticed a window at the house was open, and she called to tell us. When we arrived, it was obvious that the house had been burglarized – packed boxes had been opened and overturned, cabinets were standing open, and drawers were pulled open and dumped. By the time the police arrived, my wife realized that a lot of her mother’s silver-plated items were missing. All of the sterling silver had been removed from the house a long time ago, and only some nostalgic silver-plated candlesticks, cups, and platters remained in a single china cabinet. All of those pieces were gone.

As we moved through the house, we noticed a couple of odd things. First, nothing was damaged, destroyed, or vandalized. The burglar had been very careful not to break anything. Secondly, there were several mock-type items throughout the house that only an expert would recognize as non-valuable, but none of these things had been touched. The burglar knew exactly what he wanted and didn’t waste time with anything else. He was very good, and very well-practiced. It obviously wasn’t just some wayward, thrill-seeking kids.

Ultimately, we surmised that it would never be solved, and we would never see those missing family items again. However, we got a call from the police Friday that they had a break in the case, and they wanted us to come down to the station and identify some recovered items. As it turned out, they actually got the guy who did the burglary, along with his girlfriend and an apartment full of recovered items from dozens of burglaries. My wife was able to positively identify all of the missing silver items, and we signed statements to that effect. She asked some questions about the burglar, and was told that he was arrested with burglary tools and stolen items in his backpack, and his girlfriend confessed to everything.

When we got back home, my wife did some sleuthing, and was able to locate an online police report that gave the names of the burglar and his girlfriend. She learned that both of them had two sets of pending drug charges from the previous year (there was both possession and distribution involved). Once she had their names, she went on Facebook and found profiles for them both. She crawled their photos and lists of friends, and showed me everything she found. I was astounded.

I was expecting to find one of two things – either a couple of lowlife, gangsta-thug wannabees who had some kind of social conviction to crime, or the black-sheep scion children of leading families being cute with a final gasp from their dwindling youth. Instead, I discovered two very normal 19-year old lovers, who had tons of friends, loving families, and bags of social support. Their photos showed family vacations to Canada, Florida, and Colorado. Their friends were student government representatives, Homecoming finalists, sports captains, majorettes, and office clerks. The comments on their photos and wall said things like, “You two are the cutest couple EVAR,” and, “Awwww – I love you guys,” and, “Can’t wait til this summer,” and, “When are we hanging again?” Dozens of those comments were left by highly intelligent peers and community leaders even after the drug charges were filed last year, and during the most recent episodes of burglary.

I was speechless.

My concern at this point doesn’t have anything to do with WHY they decided to become junior criminals, or any ethical discussion of drug use and legality. The fact remains that drug use, drug possession, and drug distribution ARE illegal activities, as well as burglary. Therefore, I’m not addressing their morality or their motivations. Instead, I want to do some hard thinking about their peer support.

It has always been my belief in our society that jail has never been effective for being either a tool of punishment or a tool of rehabilitation. To me, jail is most effective as a threat of excommunication from society. Jail is only scary to people who have something to lose. There will always be outliers in any society who do not fear community banishment, and they really make the best career criminals. However, they are the exceptions. For the most part, society has always been effective at self-policing its members and helping to prevent crime by withholding societal benefits from anyone who does not play right. In other words, if you screw up, you don’t get to participate in all the cool benefits of our community. We won’t protect you, or help you, or shield you from life’s difficulties. Instead, we strip you bare of our blessing and brotherhood, and leave you alone in the dark to fend for yourself. You will have no chance to get ahead and make something of yourself. You are shunned.

Not anymore. Apparently, that has changed. I fear our culture has reached a point where criminals are welcomed, shielded, and protected by their peers as if nothing were wrong. They are reinforced with the warmth that they are really good people after all, and they shouldn’t worry about anything. Instead of abandonment, they are showered with love and support. They no longer have to face the threat of losing everything dear to them. No matter how much they fuck up, they’re still highly admired people. In fact, they can count on habitually fucking up while maintaining their rock-solid base of societal blessing. For them, there is no downside yet.

If you don’t believe me, just ask the cutest couple EVAR.

 

I will preface this by saying that I don't go on Facebook, ever.
But how many of those buddies and pals on Facebook really actually know them, care about them and really have their best intentions in mind?
I hear about people having 800 Facebook friends and I wonder what it really all means.
I'll go even a step further and say there are times on this very website where individuals are getting support for doing some not so bright things......it just seems easy for Internet acquaintances to say all kinds of supportive but ultimately meaningless crap.

 

As felons they will be shunned, not as overtly though as they should be. Their friends (probably all about the same age and most likely upwardly mobile) will move on with their lives, move on with their careers. But these two will be stuck forever with this albatross of their own making around their necks. Second class citizens: loss of voting rights, exclusion from other rights, ineligible for government assistance and welfare including federally funded housing to name a few. But the most severe are the questions appearing on job applications. They have placed a lid on their lives. Let's visit these two ten years from now and compare them to the friends they have today. May not actually be shunned but in the end the result will be similar.

 

ffowley and Craven, you're right. Eventually, they will have to go to court to face the charges they've been stacking up, and probably go to jail. But it appears that for the extended present, they won't face any scrutiny or shame from their most immediate environment.