The Angry Uteri of TFP

We've had menstruation threads before (why can't I see that word without pronouncing it in my head
as men-stroooo-a-shuunnn, like my health teacher did in middle school?).
But, this is a little different.
I'm dedicating this thread to the Angry Uteri of the TFP.
Yes, I anthropomorphize my uterus.

To stimulate conversation, let your uterus speak!

What does yours want?
Mine wants chocolate lately; the darker, the better. And alcohol... preferable a Belgian trippel or a lovely Pinot Noir, not too oaky or dry. Sleep, yoga, cuddles, a good cry, and carbs.

How often does it stir?
Not everyone is regular. I'm hormonally regulated because my system is a beast. So on the fourth day of my inactive pills, Angry Uterus raises his ugly head. He begins to stir at about the middle of the third week of the pack. It triggers something in my brain... the frustration and irritation tolerance drops, my weight goes up a little, and the sarcasm filter slips a little.

How active is it?
By the first day of the Communist Invasion, I want to kill everyone. By day two, I'm much nicer, but it's because Angry Uterus wants comfort. I'm not heavy enough to drain the life force, and rarely have to use a plug any more. But, it's enough to make me bruise and crave iron-infused fuel. Like red meat. I could consume an entire cow a few days before, through a few days into the Invasion. Angry U becomes a face-hugger the day before, and a piranha by days one and two. This usually subsides by day three or four. If I give it what it wants.

How does your SO handle it? Or your family? Anything YOU do differently?
Mine typically gets irritated with me, until he understands that the Communists have arrived in the Fun House. He'll get grumpy, but I enjoy providing him with oral satisfaction, so it's not too bad. I've never asked him to go pick up supplies or fulfill my cravings, but he has been known to come home with a bottle of wine without mentioning why on day -1 or -2. I have learned to get a grip on the fact that several days a month, I'm going to need to work really, really hard on controlling myself. And that I need to focus on yoga, sleep, hydration, and give in when it's really bad... ibuprofen, heat, alcohol, whatever.

Any other side effects of the Angry Uterus' presence in your life?
I get flaky. My ADHD goes off the charts. This is why I've been hormonally regulated (with the exception of a three month trial without, to explore what Life With Clamped Fallopian Tubes would be like... NO) since I was 14. That and the ripping/searing pains two weeks out of the month and major PMS symptoms. Depo was fun... I got PMDD and almost got myself dumped, gained 30 lbs, and wanted to kill my now-husband daily during that other three month period. I've pretty much gotten the AU as under control as I ever will. But, I will always have to be on it. My mom came off the hormones at 54 and found out she was in full-blown menopause. I'm soooo looking forward to this. :/

So, how about yours? Guys, feel free to chime in about your SO's AU... this is an equal opportunity bitch-fest about the female reproductive system!

 

My uterus hasn't been angry since a baby was ripped from it a few months ago.

I shall return to this thread if the Angry Uterus attacks again.

 

Yeaaah, this graphic I did up for Noodle / Zombie Squirrel in like 2009 never gets old:

 

It's my favorite. Ever.

 

Mad artistic skills.

 

Vagina-Full-of-Teeth'd!

Uterus-Migraine'd!

Angry-Gaze-Ovaries'd

 

It's starting. I can feel the change in my mood and perception. I hate this part. I know it will only last a few days, but The things I think and feel in those few days are awful.

And, on top of that I'm going to a swimwear fitting event for work. Yes, that's just what I want to do today. I'll go, but I'm not trying on suits. Nooo way.

 

Mine used to be like an angry volcano! I had an endometrial ablation (Novosure) procedure earlier this year, and now it is dormant. Like Mirena it took me a few months to get used to the PMS symptoms without the flow. I considered Mirena but I was done having children and did not want the hormonal side effects. So far it is has been fantastic!

 

I pondered the ablation, but there is still a chance of getting pregnant at my age, with disastrous results. And, I need to manage the PMS symptoms, too. I'm glad to hear from someone who had it done. I've heard horror stories. I love my Sprintec for now. I'm at the end of the first week of pills and AU has been blissfully quiet. Don't wake it...

 

Sprinter is my BC of choice, too!! Can't handle anything else.

 

My uterus started being angry. I just realized I left my cup and backup supplies at home. Hoping the flood gates hold until I sneak out early.

 

Here come the breakouts! Weeeeeee!

 

No life shall sprout forth from this Angry Uterus. That's non-negotiable. Grrr.... Missed a pill on Saturday and the face hugger stirred. Not cool. It was ONE DAY.

 

I think there may be something to girls who stick together, bleed together. Or something like that. Cause I am feeling your pain Geneticshift! Glad I have a bottle of wine and some pain pills.


My AU used to be regular as clockwork unless there was something going on that was SUPER SPECIAL and the worst possible time for a visit from the red communists, in which case it will come earlier or later - ie the middle of my wedding (I swear my AU is sentient).

Last 2 years, it's been totally wonk due to stress and weight fluctations, shifting things out from every month to every other month. Latest stretch was almost 5 months before things finally woke back up in there. Weirdest sensation to feel the hormones build and build for months on end with no release. My poor husband.

 

Angry Uteri have lives of their own. There is no blame on this thread