Sexual Guidelines

I posted this on my Facebook a moment ago. (You know, like I do.) What are your own guidelines?

 

The miserable majority, eh? That's almost comforting.

It's my theory that there is a systematic mechanism that drives libido imbalance in marriages. That is, people with low sex drives are especially appealing to people with high sex drives and vice versa.

Your advice comes much too late for me, of course.

 

Nice guidelines, Poetry.

I like especially like #7, don't obsess about the orgasm. Sometimes the jouney is great even if you don't reach the destination. While it doesn't happen very often, I don't push the issue if it becomes apparant that I'm not going to cum. My wife is very orgasmic (I'm a lucky man). On the rare occasions when it doesn't happen for her, she's happy with intimacy of making love.

On a related note, I would add:

Don't be shy about alternative stimulation if you leave partner needing more. Oral, manual, toys...ask your partner what they want, don't be afraid to experiment.

Don't shy away from making it all about your parnter, much satisfaction can come from being selfless. If your partner starts expecting to be 'it,' explain the difference between being selfless and selfish.

 

Much of the list seems to be common courtesy or common sense and lets face it, if you don't have it, odds are someone telling you won't change it.

For those over 30 I'd add a few more helpful hints like....

1 - If your partners sex drive starts to wain, do not let it get to a point where it is unacceptable before addressing it. If you want it four times a week and they want it once every two weeks, you need to work that out as soon as possible. This is far more common for females than males but both sexes can experience a loss of libido.

2 - If you don't take care of yourself physically, don't expect your partner to be interested in you sexually EVEN if your partner ignores His/Her physical appearance. Most people are in a self delusion about their weight/attractiveness. Despite Dove commercials where women who are beautiful think they are ugly, the true science is most people over estimate their attractiveness. If you think you "hide your weight" or something, the only thing thats being hidden is the truth from yourself.

3 - Your relationship shouldn't be built on sex. Sex is important for a relationship, otherwise its a friendship, but if the glue is your naughty bits, thats not going to end well. This does not mean you should settle for a sexless relationship either.

4 - Don't be afraid to share your fantasies with your partner. You only live once.

5 - Some fantasies may have to stay as fantasies.

Edit: For 4, don't be surprised if your partner is afraid to share THEIR fantasies with you. Imagine going through life, both wanting the same thing and both afraid to ask the other.

 

My commentary doesn't add much value to what's already been said, but I'm putting it here anyway.

Grumble.

Indeed.

Mhmm.

I'm so very glad I know—and embrace—this now.

Fuck yes. This, definitely.

And like you said, obviously, overall communication about expectations, needs, wants, concerns, comforts, discomforts, etc., is critical no matter what. Communication communication communication communication...

 

I pretty much agree with all of those, even if my style is a little bit different. As for 'attached' people, I've talked about it here before, but I am open to sleeping with men who are in open committed relationships as long as they are open to letting me meet their SO. No SO, no go. I've yet to meet a guy in an 'open relationship' who has been willing to allow that. Smells shitty to me.

Definitely the talk about expectations beforehand. This is not committed, it is not monogamous, we will always use condoms. No slapping (the face), choking or anal until I get to know you a little better. I don't talk about the possibility of developing feelings for my partner because I invariably do. They just are not possessive feelings. I don't want to go to the trouble of having to explain that up front and possibly freak them out. Guys have a hard enough time buying the uncommitted thing at first. It's not what they're used to. Then I will "check in" periodically. I've found that when these things end, they just sort of end mutual-like. Life gets busy, our schedules don't jibe, other people come into focus, but depending on how good our rapport was outside of the bedroom, we will usually stay in touch.

I don't ask questions about what they like in bed up front, either. I have more of an exploratory spirit when it comes to that. All things will be revealed.

One thing that I will stress, and I think this is important: if you have strong sexual preferences that are outside the realm of 'vanilla,' definitely let your partner know about them up front. If they are not a match for you now, it's not likely they ever will be.

 

After taking a look at my neck in the mirror just now, I would also like to add another issue that should be discussed up front:

NO MARKS. Not where they show at any rate. I have small hickies on both sides of my neck. That can't happen again. Jesus. Thank god it's the weekend and I don't to cart my ass to school with these things.