Sexless marriage and traveling Husband

Been with the same man for 24 years , he's been a trucker for 20 of them ,we haven't been intimate for 9 going on ten of those years.Not intimate in any way kissing hugging zilch , he saids he suffers from E.D but yet continuously watched porn on the road and the last year or so he stopped coming home other than when he had no choice , it got to the point of every two months he'd come home for a week and this is a guy who owns his own truck and picks his own loads..... Is it possible he just isn't attracted to me ?

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Serious answer first:

In a sexless marriage (or sexless relationship if you aren't actually married) there is the refuser, who has an issue with intimacy. If this were a healthy relationship, communication would not be a problem. But I doubt you're going to get a straight answer after 9 years. He has you right where he wants you, and to change things would be rocking the boat, and not in his favor.

Wouldn't hurt to ask, though- just to get the ball rolling, because once that's done you can move on to other options, if he doesn't wish to attend counseling.

Option 1: Accept the fact that you will never know the touch of a human being ever again, and wait around for death to end your misery. (This is my current status, as my wife only wants to fuck young, handsome athletic millionaire rockstars and I'm basically a toad.)

Option 2: Do NOT accept option 1 and get a "friend with benefits." (Yes, a fancy way of saying cheating. But keep in mind that if he were keeping you satisfied, you would not be wanting to sleep around in the first place. Two wrongs don't make a right, but again, there's always option 1.) Important to remember: Option 2 can lead to divorce.

Option 3: Tell your husband (or partner, if you're not actually married) that you want an open relationship, so while he's away you can knock boots with the local boys. He'll know you're sleeping around, but you'll keep it quiet as best you can. This way, you two get to stay together and keep doing whatever it is you're doing, but your needs get fulfilled. Important to remember: Option 3 can also lead to divorce.

Option 4: Divorce! (Or just split up if you're not married) If you can swing paying for an apartment and there's no kids involved, you might want to consult a lawyer and see what your options are, as they vary from state to state.

Not so serious answer:

If that's you in that avatar pic and your man isn't trying to get you naked, there could be but one explanation:

 

It pains me to see how thoroughly you have already thought all this through.

 

Why? This is my moment of glory; it should be celebrated.

This woman, who has been suffering, came to the TFP (The BEST goddamned message board on the internet, I might add) for advice and who else on this board is more qualified to shine a light in the darkness?

I have 35 years of rejection from women, compared to those here who think the term "sexless marriage" is an oxymoron.

I'll handle it from here.


I have spoken.

 

Forgive me for being blunt, but it takes two not to tango, especially for nine years.

What was your sex life like before the complete stoppage? How many times have you discussed the issue with your significant other?

The "stopped coming home other than when he has no other choice" sounds like the issue goes way beyond sex.

 

Yes I've discussed it there are things that can be done but he makes no effort and honestly u really think 9 years and I've not approached him lmao? It was ok sex before mostly the selfish kind .There's deeper issues of course after 24 years. It's not really just about the sex it's about never being touched by him at all unless I was doing something on him. No hugs every now and then and a peck of a kiss when leaving.... I don't know what to think anymore I'm really just fed up and ready to leave.

--- Double Post Merged, Nov 22, 2019, Original Post Date: Nov 22, 2019 ---

Yes I have he claims it's not me.

 

then what does he say it is? just ED? if so to be blunt i call bullshit, its something....


communication is the key to any relationship. wether it be on the phone or in person. in person is always the best.

truckers have a hard life and so do their siginificant others, their always away and the other is left to do everything at home

 

I think yupimcray your social life and self esteem depends on you to congregate with men and women who you can gather a brand new prospective on life with it sounds like neglect derogatory and a future that will coarse you pain and guilt branch out in this universe and grasp into what a intelligent mature educated women like yourself deserves.

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I have to ask: Was the above actually written in English by a real person, or is it the result of a poor translation?

 

No I'm a litte illiterate chris. But be mature about it. No I'm a idealist a futurist and philosophy writen in a unknown dimension. But thank you for your comment.

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I'll ride my unicorn on the moonbeams through the looking glass, and try reading it again.

 

Thank you chris humor appreciated but I'm into the spiritual world of quantum mechanics social sciences theology your comment would be good on a art portrait imagination sparking .

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He is a trucker. He shows no signs of affection to you whatsoever. He apparently has found that there is more on the road than what's at home for almost ten years. What he does when he is on the road is known only by himself. You're at home, none the wiser. I would try to find someone who would treat you better and with more affection.

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From your picture, you are good looking. Anyone would be interested in you. Don't doubt yourself in thinking you aren't attractive. Find someone who will cherish you more than the guy who basically ignores you.

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I have a theory. He uses a lot of porn for gratification. After a while he abused it, too much variety, too much volume. Combine that with intense stimulation. After a while this leads to certain inability to physically respond well to real sex. He feels inadequate and embarrassed. After a point he fears of not being able to do it..... He starts to avoid the situation.

All I am saying is it is possible he is not lying that "it is not you".

A open heart conversation, with or without the presence of a therapist would help

I am very sorry about your situation
All the best