seeking [relationship] advice

Hello all. This is my second time posting here, and like the first post, it's in regards to relationship... we'll call it "stuff". The last time I posted it was about this girl who I was into who also just happened to be one of my good friends' sister. I took the advice I got here and realized that I wasn't really ready for anything at that time. So, if anyone reading this has read that other post--or happens to go find it and read it--this has nothing to do with that whatsoever.

Anyway, I've been single now for about 10 months. My last relationship ended just short of the 4-year mark, and we were on the verge of taking that marriage step (more about that later). It was a semi-long-distance relationship. (I am from the US, she's Japanese.) I was the one who broke it off, not really because there was anything wrong with her, but because there was a lot wrong with me. She had this image of me being a perfect guy, when I knew I wasn't. I didn't cheat on her, but I just wasn't as into it as she was. That's not to say I didn't love her--I absolutely did. I just didn't really love myself, and because of that I didn't know how to show that I loved her (which is what we argued about those rare times we had arguments).

So when we broke up, I wanted to take time to find who I really was. Almost immediately I thought I was interested in the girl mentioned above--my friend's sister. I realized that was just a projection of my misgivings about ending my real relationship. So, we broke up in February of this year. Since then I've talked to two other girls--one of them I realized just wasn't my type. The other I'm still kind of talking to right now--but it's a weird situation. So, let me explain that a little.

This other girl (I'm going to make up names now, to avoid confusion: Yoko (my ex) and Haru (girl I'm 'talking to'). So this other girl, Haru, is 20 and I met her randomly at the airport here in Japan over the summer. At first I just thought she was pretty, so I talked to her and got her contact info and kind of chatted with her but I was going back to the states and didn't really put much effort into it. Well, as of August of this year, I've actually moved to Japan. (I interviewed on a whim while I was here on my trip and ended up being offered and taking a job). So I'm now typing this from Japan. Anyway, since coming back Haru and I have hung out a few times.

We've essentially talked on the phone every night for the past month or so--getting to know one another and all that. The usual. She's a great girl, very cute, has a great personality--but there are a few red flags. There are a few maturity differences (I'm 24, she's 20, but she's still into the whole partying/binge drinking thing, and I've just never really been into that), and she's a little unsure of herself. She has some baggage (who doesn't?) but also a lot of self-doubt and some uncertainty about things in general. Again, I attribute most of this to the fact that she's 20 and just starting to figure out who she is. Anyway, I've come to fancy her--I like her. She's said that she likes me, but both of us are still a bit wary about the whole situation in general.

Haru wants to travel abroad for a working holiday (which would take her away for about a year, if not longer). I totally think she should do that--and one of my misgivings about pursuing a relationship with her is that I don't want to get in the way of her doing what she really wants to do. When I think about getting into a relationship, I want it to be real--like what I had.

Which brings me back to Yoko, my ex. Haru and I have talked a lot about our previous relationships. Ironically, her ex was from the US while mine was from Japan. Now, shortly after coming back to Japan (in August) I talked to Yoko more than I had from when we broke up until that point. It was nice catching up with her, and a few times I felt a little excited--like those feelings I had were coming back. That was also incredibly scary, so I ignored said feelings. Anyway, Haru lives about 45 mins away; Yoko is about 2 hrs away. When Haru and I started talking a little more (but still before either of us said "I like you") Yoko came to visit me at my apartment.

She came under the pretense of actually bringing back things of mine that she had. (I've lived in Japan before, for a year, as a student, and lived with Yoko during that time). She ended up staying the night but to my great relief and surprise, we didn't get that physical. I kind of took for granted that we would, but it didn't happen... which was nice. It really just made me realize how good of a girl she was--that she respects herself that much. Anyway, so that was good. The next week she asked to see me again--and wanted to come back and stay. I was torn about what to do, and being afraid of committing myself to her with other girls interested in me (like Haru and the girl before Haru, at this point), I said no.

She didn't like that answer and told me to forget about her. So, I did... or I tried to... for about two months. Recently Haru asks me about Yoko a lot. She's asked me why we broke up, etc. etc. All normal questions. I told her what I said above (it was me, not her) and Haru has asked why I don't just get back with Yoko. I of course gave her what I thought was a good answer, but in my mind I realized I don't really have a good answer. I think about Yoko quite a bit--as much as Haru, really. I enjoy talking to Haru, but I wonder if I'm not just using it as a way to forget about Yoko--as a distraction of sorts. I don't want to do that because it's not fair to Haru.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I do still have feelings for Yoko. But, now I've made myself attached to Haru--and she's attached to me also. So... what should I do? I am interested in Haru, for sure. She's opened up to me about a lot of things and put down her walls, so to speak. But, I still feel like there's something unresolved between Yoko and I--which is what I believe is the root of the "feelings" I have. I contemplate whether it would be better to try getting back with Yoko, because in a lot of ways I think it was the distance that hurt our relationship before. But, I also think there could be something great between Haru and I if we give it a real shot.

People say to follow your feelings--but my feelings seem to be pulling me in two different directions. (Sorry this was so long... really just needed to do a dump of what's been on my mind. Thanks to anyone who reads all of that and responds in a helpful manner).