QOTD #12: In what ways are you dependent on people in your life?

In what ways are you dependent on people in your life?
Be it a spouse, a sibling, a child, or a friend.
Do you feel you could or would want complete independence?

This question came up because of a discussion with Tully_Mars. It made me realize just how dependent we grow on one another. My mother recently passed away. It was not unexpected (breast cancer) and she had spent nearly the past decade preparing us for the eventuality, including making a clear will and living trust. But there were still some things she could not help with. For decades, my father had not done any grocery shopping, very little clothes shopping, and had no clue about the family finances. My mom had spent more time with me and the family accounts than Dad (his fault, he was too stubborn). So I spent a month living with him after her passing, to help him catch his bearings and (re)learn how to do these basic life functions. He is doing fine, and honestly could have figured it all out without my help - but I like feeling useful in the wake of loss.

Here's a link to an article about money pitfalls to avoid after losing a spouse:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/03/your-money/4-money-pitfalls-every-widow-should-avoid.html?_r=0

 

I prefer to think of my wife and I's relationship as symbiotic (or, more specifically for an expert like @genuinemommy, we'll say mutualistic or one of reciprocal altruism ).

We each generally perform certain roles. I do most of the laundry, care for most of the financial things, do the general maintenance tasks around the house, etc. She does most of the cleaning, cares for anything medical, and does most of the shopping. Some things we share, like caring for the pets, cooking, and other daily tasks. Sometimes we fill in for each other depending on schedules or what needs done.

I don't think either of us would be at a TOTAL loss in any one area if the other wasn't there permanently, or for long stretches. But I do think we both make sacrifices that benefit the other, and it generally works well. I wouldn't want complete independence, and I highly doubt she would either.

 

My spouse and I would qualify as ... Obligate mutualism. At least right now while our children are young, I can't imagine living without him, nor he without me.

Naw, that's an exaggeration. In reality we're both exceptionally driven towards independence. That's part of what makes our relationship work. We have taken great pride over the past few years with being able to provide for each other, switching off on who makes the dominant paycheck. He does a fair share of cooking and cleaning, when he has the time. He is incredibly good with children and would rock as a stay-at-home parent, if we chose that route. We are a killer babysitting tag-team duo - it's fun to hang out with the little cousins together. We both have input in the budget. We do our best to keep each other informed in these regards. We maintain our budget on a shared spreadsheet. Sure, we could just look at our spending on the summaries from our bank or a program like Mint, but we find that we're more in tune with our spending and do spend less if we account for each purchase as we go, rather than reviewing it at the end of the month.

One thing I don't know how to do that he does is maintenance on my current vehicle. I'm fairly confident that I could figure it out if I wanted (my dad taught me how to change oil, check fluids, change tires, etc. on at least 3 different family vehicles growing up) but honestly, I'd rather not try to chase a toddler while changing my oil. So, were I to suddenly and unexpectedly become a single parent, I would most certainly opt to take my car into a shop. We have a substantial life insurance policy on my husband. I myself have sufficient education (and honestly some killer connections if I ever care to follow up on them) to land myself a reasonable paying career.

Now, people other than my spouse...
I am entirely dependent on my daughters for the motivation to keep smiling and pushing on in life these days. They are my sunshine and my calm in the storm.

 

The buck stops here.

However, I value my family and friends.
They keep me sane and straight.

I do depend on my pup for making me smile.