QOTD #30: Do/did you spank your child?

How do you define spanking? Hitting your child.
Was it done to you? Occasionally.
How do you feel about the practice? Think it is pointless. I have achieved good discipline without the need to resort to smacking my kids.
Do you perpetuate this American tradition? Not just for Americans, and no.

And how do you feel about others doing it in your home? I am pretty sure if someone was visiting my house and gave their kid a smack, I wouldn't say anything (unless it was severe). I would think less of that person, though.

 

How do you define spanking?
A swat on the butt, maybe one or two.

Was it done to you?
Rarely.

How do you feel about the practice?
To be used only in very specific situations, basically if the child has done something that could get them killed and only when they are small enough that logic isn't possible.

Do you perpetuate this American tradition?
The perpetration is a mixed bag.
I don't believe in spanking as it is so often presented.

And how do you feel about others doing it in your home?
I can't judge how others raise their kids but if they are raising welts or beating their kids, using belts, etc. I'd have to report it.

 

I'm fine with giving a young child a swat on the fanny.
And I thought I would when we were planning to have children.
Now our kids are 7 and 5 and I have never done it.
My kids are trained to listen to my voice, and they know that discipline (non-physical) will always follow if they aren't responding appropriately.

 

We absolutely do not practice any kind of corporal punishment. We feel extremely strongly that it is counterproductive at best, traumatizing at worst, especially given how difficult it is sometimes not to punish in anger anyhow-- making punishment corporal just invites things getting out of hand. We both think that hitting your child, no matter the reason, teaches them to fear you rather than to trust you, and that's not what we want.

Little Levite experiences negative consequences of varying kinds, including losing favorite toys or books or articles of clothing for a time, losing bedtime ritual privileges (i.e., I won't sing him to sleep), time outs in his room alone, and other small things as they occur to us.

But he's a strong willed little guy (I wonder where that comes from?), and he consistently responds far better to verbal affirmations and to inducements and rewards for positive behavior than he does to consequences or punishments for negative behavior. And leaning heavily on the carrot rather than the stick has so far seemed to work pretty well: he's awfully well behaved for a toddler.

Mrs. Levite says she was spanked on just a small handful of occasions, and had resentful memories of it well into adulthood. My parents say they spanked me twice as a small child, on occasions when I did something literally dangerous to life and limb, in order to reinforce the seriousness of what I had done; but I cannot recall either incident. Overall, Mrs. Levite's parents were not fans of corporal punishment, and my parents really didn't believe in it.

We don't really have friends who discipline their children with corporal punishment, but if we did, we certainly wouldn't permit it in our household. There is simply no hitting children under our roof.

 

I was spanked a few times, mostly because I was so out of control that it was the only thing I would respond to. My mom used a wooden spoon, and it was a very deliberate ritual. I was very defiant and I have add. I wasn't a bad kid, but I didn't always have self control.
I swatted my girls as toddlers a couple times. More because I was frustrated with a pair of two year olds. I'm pretty ashamed of it now. I think it's pretty unlikely I would ever do it again. They can think and reason and that is what I want. Not to fear me, but to think.

 

We were swatted on the butt a few times. Spanking should only be no more than a few swats on the butt, with an open hand, NOT IN ANGER. that's the key. There are a few children for which only a quick spank will jar them out of their violent tantrums or actually cause an appropriate response. These are children who need a physical cue and who don't process sensory information the same way the rest of us do.
For neurotypical individuals, spanking doesn't usually work. It's over more quickly than time out or a restriction. So a lot of kids would choose it over losing computer time. Parents make the mistake of letting the child see that they are angry and this gets connected to the physical action... Therefore, it becomes okay to hit when you are angry. They don't have the higher order thought or level of moral development to understand the difference at the ages when children are typically spanked.
I do, however, support a physical response to potential immediate danger... swatting a child's hand away from a hot iron or stove, etc. This connects an unpleasant sensation to an action (and a verbal explanation), without exposure to the actual consequence. In my experience, it hasn't led to an increase in physical reactions in kids.
Spanking is just counterproductive and typically (these days) an almost instinctual response to a child provoking the parent, and the parent responding in anger. Usually, the parent was spanked as a child or was a physical child with his or her peers. According to the research. Most of us who weren't really spanked or not spanked in anger are more motivated to find a different way to discipline.

 

I was spanked as a child and spanked my older kids, and my youngest, until I realized it was stupid to spank somebody for hitting... haven't done it since and found other ways to provide the discipline he needs.

Although Mrs. Lance liked to have her bottom swatted on occasion... that was before the advent of menopause and the onset of the current sexual drought...