Nervous before sex

Hey everyone, sorry this is really fucking long and full of pointless bullshit that you probably don't wanna read, so just skip ahead if you want.

Basically i met an amazing girl a while back, we just clicked and it was going great, started off as friends but it was obvious we were both attracted to each other. We got together and this is where it went wrong, when it comes to sex i'm not experienced and have never been very confident, also i'm a virgin, i'm 24 btw. Now theres nothing wrong with me and i'm a good looking guy, it's all in my head. Anyway we went to have sex and i had an erection during foreplay and oral but when we got to the sex and i was about to put the condom on, i started overthinking things and lost my erection, sexual anxiety basically. Now at the time instead of just saying to her can we keep going with the foreplay a bit or just talking to her, i freaked out and just closed up, i just stopped and said i'm sorry. She was obviously disappointed but said it was ok, though it obviously wasn't and she left. We arranged to meet the following week.

Now a couple of days after this i realised i had been a fucking idiot, that i wasn't the only guy this had happened to and it was the fact that i was overthinking things that caused this and that there's nothing wrong with me, so i called her and told her that i just got a bit nervous and aren't the most confident guy when it comes to this, but that i do want to have sex with her and can we maybe just build up to it by maybe just doing some foreplay and pleasuring each other a few times and then getting to the sex, i still want to pleasure her and i know i can, i know i make her horny. She seemed ok with this and we said we'd talk when we meet.

Well we meet up and she was telling me about how two of her close friends had just had major breakups, anyway i knew what was going to happen and she wanted to slow things down and move things back a bit, take them slower, friends for a bit basically. Which is fine i respect that but it was basically obvious that i'd put her off and she just wanted to be friends. Anyway we've still been hanging out and now and again it's felt like we've got close again, but about a week ago i woke up just thinking that i've been fucking stupid, there's nothing wrong with me or her and yer sure i'm not experienced but fuck it i know i can pleasure her and i know i can fuck her, it's just me doubting myself. So i called her and told her this, told her that i should of spoke to her earlier and that the way i acted by freezing and closing up was stupid and i should of spoke to her about this before we even went to have sex and how much i regret not just what happened but the way i handled it, since that is what caused things to go that way. I explained how i'm sorry it took me this long to realise this but don't write me off just because of that, we have such a laugh together and that i understand sex is important and it wouldn't happen again. As you can imagine she wasn't 100% convinced so we arranged to meetup on the weekend.

So we meet up and i tell her the same thing basically, she understands but says she wished i'd spoke to her earlier or before we had sex, since things might of gone differently and really great, which yer is true. Basically she's not convinced it won't happen again and to be fair i don't blame her, i think alot of girls would of put me out of there lives after the way i handled it but she hasn't. She still wants to be friends like we were before we got together and see how things go, which is fine i understand that. I'm just not sure that she even feels the way she did about me now, i can't believe i just closed up and didn't communicate properly at the time, she must of thought wtf is wrong with me or him, must of made her feel pretty bad.

So yer now we've spoke i guess i feel better, honestly i'm not that bothered that i'm not experienced, i know i can pleasure her and fuck her, i just wish i'd not let the pressure get to me because now that chance with her might not happen again. I'm meant to be seeing her tomorrow and i don't want to pressure her about it but i might talk to her about sex and the things i want to do with her, to try and get her turned on, to show her how important sex is to our relationship. Also i'm going to work on myself, start looking to get out of this dead end job, go to the gym and start another martial arts class, because i say i'm confident with myself but i need to prove to myself that i am before i can prove to her that things would be ok. I'm thinking of telling her this and that maybe we should just be friends until i've got myself together.

Ok this is a complete mess i guess, but one day i'm feeling ok about myself and the next i'm just pissed at myself for acting like i did and messing something amazing up. Basically should i tell her how sexually attracted i am to her and try and get her turned on, or tell her i'm going to work on myself and build up my self-confidence, and hopefully sometime in the future we can try again maybe?

Sorry for this fucking life story, i'm sure this could of been shortened way more lol.
--- merged: Jul 3, 2014 10:35 PM ---
Also the fact that i'm posing this probably means that i'm not that confident with myself, i just keep kicking myself for acting the way i did that night, completely fucked up something great and i might never know what could of been, some days it really hits on my self-esteem.

 

I think she already knows you are sexually attracted to her.
It sounds like the stars were not aligned your way.
You can try the friend route, or try once more for sexy time but given your lack of self-confidence that may not go so well.
Don't sweat it too much either way. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

I think you need to stop talking about sex and just work on rest of your relationship with her, whether that be romantic or just friendship. The fact is: you spend a whole lot more of your time in a relationship doing non-sex related things than you do actually having sex. If you two grow closer and the sparks start to fly, the sex will happen and you will be fine, I suspect. (and by obsessing, you are likely guaranteeing future repeated failure)

Besides, you're only 24. I've heard rumors that folks have active sex lives way beyond even that advanced age