Massages

I've given back rubs and foot massages to a few different people over the years and everyone has always said that I do a really good job. (And no, not all of these were sexual in nature). I give my wife a back rub at least once a week and she is always telling her friends how good of a job I do and how she doesn't need to pay for a professional massage. Once she began bragging to her friends, a few of them expressed interest and getting a back rub also. My wife just smiled and never really said anything in return. I was curious and asked her what she would say if someone really asked me for a back rub. She told me that I should never give anyone a back rub besides her.

Now, it's obvious that she is bragging to others just because she can, especially since her friend's husbands apparently don't do it at all or poorly. Okay, that is her choice. What I don't understand is why she doesn't want me to do this. People give full body massages for a living which is proof that it doesn't have to be sexual.

I won't give anyone else a massage since she has insisted that I don't but she won't tell me why she has a problem with it. She just tells me not to.

How would you feel about your significant other giving someone a back rub?

 

Even in a professional respectable medical clinic PT department etc my SO would not tolerate it. He does clearly realize the difference between therapeutic massage and sexual massage however he could not in any way shape or form condone me touch a man in that manner. I know because I had mentioned to him that at one point I had considered going to school for massage.

Ironically, I work in a clinic. I see male and female in various states of undress, I have often assisted in urologic procedures etc. He realizes that it is entirely medical and doesn't have an issue with it.

My guess is that she either feels it is too intimate or wants it to be a special thing you do for her and her alone.

 

I have tossed about the idea of massage therapy as a new profession. It was actually the wife's idea. I have large, strong, dexterous hands. Professionally, I think we'd both be okay with it. In personal spheres, I think I might actually be uncomfortable. I don't really know why. Maybe because it's a very personal and intimate thing. Maybe it's just the sounds she makes when I'm doing a particularly good job; the thought of those little sighs and moans coming from any of my other friends is....weird, I guess.

 

My wife gets a massage from a male, in a professional setting? Fine by me.
My wife gets a massage from a male "friend"? Not so fine.

When I get a massage, I only want it from a female, and I want it to have a happy ending. Since I like being married and want to stay that way, I don't go for massages.

 

My ex is trained in Sports massage. I'm trained in intuitive massage and Feldenkrais. It never bothered us - the vibe is totally different from the personal. The trick is to keep the two vibes seperate, and to trust that the other is doing so, too.

IMO, giving backrubs to friends as well as spouses ... especially if it's part of an intimacy anchor with the spouse, then 'don't' is a valid choice. I reckon your wife was bragging about what is, in her book, an 'act of intimacy' - physical contact that is closer to hugs and stroking.

Here's a bit of private information: because, here in England, I'm not going out with anybody, I have stopped providing body services. While I was with my ex, she was my safety line. When we parted ways, my sense professional detachment disappeared, and I can only touch UNprofessionally. I suppose my point here is that, imo, there are boundaries, they are important, they can be compromised, and they are to be cherished.

 

My husband use to go to the massage parlors for about 15 years into the marriage, hell he went to one the same day I gave birth to my second son.
I knew it as soon as he came in the next day. Back than it wasn't like today's massages, you got everything you needed.
I just thought that's the way it was for guys, he said he started in the service, Vietnam era.
Now he goes to respectable places, haha. Even though I thought that's just the way it was for guys, I still felt hurt. Never told him.

 

This reminds me: Where's Redlemon at?

 

Your avatar is really freaky, what the hell is that? Does it have arms and legs, does it give massages?

 

I nearly pressed 'like' .. but that could have meant many things. What I mean is that you've got my respects and sympathy. You lived with this for many years. This is the first time of my hearing. Jeeze.

 

My current avatar is, IIRC, a space monkey named Sam.

 

Thanks Zen, at least I knew about it. It was not a secret, just the way it was back than.
--- merged: May 2, 2012 3:07 AM ---

I see now, Sam... I will remember his name, but still freaky.

 

And vice versa (Husband on recieving end)?