Man Cave

I want to get my friends a present....for the Man Cave.

They call their living room the Man Cave where they drink Scotch and talk about manly things. Ok they don't do that, but they do call it the man cave and I have seen Scotch in there. Currently they have swords hanging on the wall and a globe that holds liquor, but I'm thinking they need something more. I need advice and suggestions since I lack a biological penis.

Things they want, but I can't afford:
Scuba Diving helmet
Suit of Armor
A rug to tie the room together

Things I know they DON'T want:
Neon signs
Leg lamp, a la Christmas Story

The tv room is reserved for football watchin and cigars are to be smoked outside. I am envisioning a gentleman's room... I tried to google that at work and came up with NSFW sites. Oops. The idea of "classy" pinup girl posters was not entirely frowned upon.

Thanks in advance for your help.

 

You might find this site helpful. (All I could come up with on my own is a chamberpot)
http://www.mancavemarket.com/

 

never have given a damn about baseball, but I would consider buying these items in a heartbeat if I had that kind of spare money.

 

Thanks Joniemack.

I'm the only one in the house that likes baseball. Funny. I think I'm the only one who likes basketball too.... Definitely the rugby fan, but I believe I am converting one. They do like football.

I think I failed to mention that I am moving in with them. Just bringing estrogen, a toaster and a microwave to the house....no doilies or unicorns.

 

You might want to consider investing in some invisible fencing then.

 

Beer mugs.

 

*looks at you, looks down at his crotch, looks at you*

...what are you trying to say?

...

Have you thought about buying a knock off Roman centurion helmet or a pair of gauntlets? They don't have to be museum quality.

That and they might get shitfaced, don the armor pieces and try to reenact 300 in the living room some night.

 

Baraka... you're clearly missing a large portion of your XY programming.

We're talking a steel helmet with a red mohawk and gloves made of metal plates.

If that doesn't make your ballsack quiver in delight, you need reprogramming.

Nothing French should be allowed in a man cave. Unless it's a naughty sex wench.

...

Exhibit A

 

Maybe THIS should be my gift to the Man Cave! I already have the outfit.

 

Dude looks like a vacuum cleaner attachment...

Look around the ThinkGeek site. They usually have some excellent stuff for guys.

 

Two words: Stripper Pole.

 

two more words,
Hot Strippers

 

in general, you can't go wrong with napoleonic military haberdashery. the problem is that it's contemporary appropriation generates associations between period fabulous military headgear and that most ambiguous figure in the whole of contemporary life: the drum major.



i just learned here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pith_helmet

that pith helmets swept the world of manly man-ness after 1870, so can be understood as the headwear of monopoly capitalism. the question is whether monopoly capitalism is itself a manly man subject for discussion to be broached in a gruff manner, disputed across the requisite verbal jousting after which the manly man can repair for a respite outside involving a cigar without concern as to overthinking involving categories like oral fixation.

one could try to dress up a man-cave by providing a selection of ascots and accompanying martini fabrication system. in terms of fashion and make-believe identities, a righteous man cave should have more than one option. and whilst a lovely single-malt is certainly never to be scoffed at, from time to time even the manliest of men require a fine transparent beverage. different social lubricants---a term i use here in the manliest possible sense---can make available a whole variety of pleasurable passages to different conversational regions. a martini fabrication system, along with the aforementioned ascots, could also open the possibilities of, say, small imaginary film sequences on the order of "the international spies take their leisure." if this sort of thing takes, your gift-buying worries could be over for several years--you can simply provide props for their imaginary spy film. and they'll thank you for that.

 

Too pretentious; didn't read

The only ones that could pull off pith helmets are The Three Stooges and that kid and father from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

 

manly men come in all varieties. otherwise, we'd be duller than dishwater.

 

I think you need to get back to the basics... like a rug that really ties the room together.

 

If I can find one in my price range.........