Kink: for fun and consensual sexploration

“The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.”
― Anaïs Nin
Open minds can open a lot of doors, and I do not want to talk about 'what taboos go too far' but more people's experience of freedom in expressing themselves so openly about such an intimate aspect of who they are in a sexual context.

To me my first experiences with kink happened rather early, even before I considered myself 'sexually active.' I went to renaissance fairs, where I experimented with cuffs, whips, knife-play, role play, crossdressing and various unusual encounters for a 16 year old.

To me this was a very healthy way to discover myself and come into my sexuality in a very eyes open and real way. I was never forced, coerced or even encouraged to do any of it. It was available for my sampling if I was so inclined. And it was really fun! I couldn't be bothered with vanilla once I'd sampled other flavors. And not to mention the combinations!

Maybe I was lucky in that I had this space for alternative life and a protected community that supported this type of play, even defended it in the name of entertainment and a sort of carny culture that made us all a bit proud a connected in our 'freakdom.' And as a sort of 'performance' Ren fairs give people permission to try on a new experience with less fear. We are only 'players on a stage' but the stage is removed, even though the rules of 'play' are still implied, and the 'rules' allow for more creative open expression than the 'rules' of 'reallife.' (sorry I am using a lot of 'inverted comma phrases'!)

I my own experience people seem to give themselves little permission to explore their sexuality as openly as if they were 'playing' due to fear of stigma and judgment of having their identity and persona associated with taboo and feelings, fear of being labeled and stigmatized by the larger group or their own community.

I can't not have that fear of judgment even within the very open community I have built. I still worry about being shunned, despite my anarchistic "EFF SOCIETY" mantra and desire to fuck with and alter binaries and counter hegemonic discourse but maybe that's part of what makes defying the norms so thrilling. In the act of crossing this threshold, it allows for so many other possibilities to open up...

 

Welcome to TFP, mistressanarchy.

I'll start off with this: A large part of your OP seems more like a justification for the niche of sexuality you are involved in, than anything else.

While I'm not into kinky business (I'm sure Poetry has much more to say on that than I do. She's our resident expert on anything that's not close-minded and narrow-sighted when it comes to sex.), I really couldn't care less for the constant reiteration of all sorts of defenses for every. single. niche. in life.

Occultists: "It's our right! Don't judge us! Hail Satan/Beelzebub/Illuminati/Spaghetti Monster/Anchovies!", Furries: "So what, if we like to pretend to be a bunch of zebras that chain-fuck each other?", BDSM: "We love to dominate/be controlled. You should try it, too!"

By constantly spouting justifications, you're merely playing to the mainstream you pretend to be so separated from (when you're really just as "normal" and indistinguishable as the rest of society). As the_jazz put it in another thread: "You're not special". Your kinks certainly don't make you special, either.

EDIT: Anarchists. Oh man. The oldskool emos. You may hate rules (Fuck the law, fuck "the Man"!) and hierarchies, but your logical fallacies generally won't bring you far. But whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

I think I'm being off-topic with my cynicism for these sub-cultures. Apologies in advance.

 

The way I see kinks and fetishes, if you have them, you're going to express them. It's not something you can just spend your life ignoring. Particularly in this day and age when the idea of being kinky is so much more acceptable. For sure there are prob. people caught up in social situations where expressing their sexual peculiarities is a huge risk, particularly within certain religious subsets, but for the most part (and I am referring to Western society here) there is not a lot of risk to expressing yourself fully with a consenting partner. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that there are just as many people who have at least tried kinky sex, as those who have not. Maybe more.

I'm not apt to agree with remixer's comments, but I do think you have romanticized your kinkiness a bit. I don't think it's that everyone is suppressing a desire to explore and be more like you and your friends. It's usually that it just doesn't interest them. Besides, if everyone wanted to be kinky, there would be no kinky. What's the fun in that?

 

It seems to me that you've just about managed to fetishize your kinks. And as Remixer accurately predicted, my response is "Whoop-dee-do. So what?" If you enjoy spanking men in business suits with a scale model of a Soviet T-34 tank, great. I'm not into it, but so long as the spankee is, have fun.

It strikes me that there's a subset of kinksters out there that wear their kinks on their shoulders, almost as a badge of honor. I know a guy in Alabama that's only into dark-skinned women of various ethnicities, and he'll tell you about it in a hot minute. Yet the number of folks who have any idea of my kinks is a diminishingly small number slightly greater than 0. That's fine too. The one thing that TFP and the rest of the internet has taught me is that there is an infinite variety of kinks - I learned of a new (to me) one on Monday - so there's no such thing as someone who's into them all. Everyone has boundaries and tastes. Some tastes are disturbing, some are illegal and some are simply stupid. But so long as consenting adults are involved, who cares?

As mixedmedia said, so long as you have a willing partner, have fun.

I will say, though, that as soon as you start fucking with the real portions of relationships - the part that exists outside the bedroom - you're going to run through your group of friends pretty quickly.

 

If this was something you wrote off the cuff for this post, I think it would be better suited in the "blog" category of the site, as this isn't really stimulating discussion as it does not engage the board members. It's also, mostly, well written, even if I don't agree with the fluffy gothic bunnies sentiment.

If this was something copied and pasted from another source, something you wrote elsewhere, also belongs in the blog area of the site.

If you were trying to bring the kink into TFP, it's already here. Step down from the stage and relax.

 

Welcome mistressanarchy, please continue. I have a feeling you have much to offer. Maybe my kink is voyeurism. Just a little, I guess. I'll be glad to 'watch' whatever you post, here or as a blog entry.

 

The best torrent I ever downloaded was the "Two Knotty Boys" video collection. I've acquired some excellent skills from those fabulous gentlemen.

 

I think you mistake my invitation for community and shared experience as mere pompous self righteous clamor. I posted with the intention of creating a safe shared space that alternative minds might appreciate. I was urged to start this thread by another user do to there being no current kink thread. If you don't have anything on topic or useful to add such as a kink experience I suggest you find another thread. This isn't let me take your harsh judgment of my already judged lifestyle thread. Thank you.
--- merged: Nov 10, 2011 5:33 AM ---

I never said kink is for everyone. I am trying to express how I got into kink, that's all. Not trying to say vanilla isn't good, it's just not my favorite flavor. Plenty of people like vanilla. Why don't you start a vanilla thread unless you have a kink experience you'd care to share, because that is what this thread is about.

 

Oh, man... this has got to be the first time I've ever Like-ified anything posted by Remixer.

Somebody help me out here: What the fuck is kinky these days? Blood play? Pooping on her (Glory's Sun)? If you like X and I like Y, what's kinky? There is no such creature as "normal" fuck-fuck action. Al Gore's Internet killed that wholesome shit years ago. Turns out I'm as square as it gets, people--I fold my socks--and yet I've got my thumb jammed in her ass while she tears off the fishnet top and drips some candle wax on my chest.

 

Nobody's judged your lifestyle in this Thread, so far.

Start fully comprehending the comments given to you rather than being a smartass about it. Thank you.

Regardless, I'm not much into kinks. I can say that I enjoy dominating my partner very much (doesn't go beyond spanking her behind and gagging, though) and I've worn a Panda mask once during intercourse (mostly to fuck with her brain).

As far as other people and their kinks are concerned, I don't care for them as long as it's consensual, doesn't involve minors and is not done in a public place.

 

Panda?

/Tropic Thunder reference

 

i guess i've never actually put much time into exploring what kinds of kink/whatever the fuck because i'm just a young lad and because i'm too busy these days. i like the idea though that there are some things that aren't just "consentual missionary position in the dark" (or whatever passes for "normal" sex) that turn people on. i've never been fuzzy handcuffed to an ironing board with no choice but to receive a bj, but dammit, i want to tell my adopted grandkids that i did some wild shit while i could and i enjoyed every second of it.

 

The problem isn't the kinkiness, it's how you're expressing yourself, which comes off as haughty, defensive, and somewhat narcissistic about your lifestyle.

Your intention of creating a safe space is admirable, but this entire site is a safe shared space that alternative minds (like my own) do appreciate.

I suggest, again, that you relax about your lifestyle choices. You sound like you're so busy focusing on how different you are that you're making your "problem" worse.

I would now like to suggest changing this thread's topic to the increased social alienation of people who select (and are unable to control the physical appearance enough to blend) alternative lifestyles (not solely limited to "standard" kink) and then begin to base their identity off of said social alienation.

 

*has flashbacks to when Cadre decided that TFP wasn't goth enough for her*

 

(1st post on new board )
this thread made me realise i have never differentiated between a kink and a fetish. actually, everything in the OP seemed pretty tame compared with what ideas i get (and the SO won´t be involved in.) seems fetishism has gone a long way in a fairly short space of time.

 

I don't recall being invited to share anything about myself in the OP.
Personally, I am pretty kinky. I like to be tied up and smacked around. Violently used. Called awful names. You know.
It's no secret to most people here.
But I never think of it in terms of something that sets me apart from regular society.
If anything, my political/cultural views would be more likely to make me feel like an outsider.

That said, I understand your reaction. It wasn't a very friendly howdeedoo we gave you...

 

Welcome to the TFP, Icelander.

I'm not surprised your sexuality is more extreme than misstressanarchy. For such a small island, your sexual activity is fucking mind-boggling.

By the way, what are mistressanarchy's fetishes? I must've missed them, because I didn't see any specific fetish listed by her. She mentioned some of the things she experimented with during renaissance fairs, but not what she's really into. Unless I read her post wrongly.

 

hey remixer, guess i didn´t meet you when i was around the old tfp around 08-09 but people might remember that i´m an australian living here in iceland (still here years later...) although i can in part agree with the idea of island sexuality. actually, i don´t think it´s really too much more rampant than most other places even if iceland has a much more gender equal equal society (ok, still not actually gender equal but some research recently rated iceland as the best place to be a woman.) and on the ground the women are much more sexually aggressive here as they don´t tend to be labelled sluts or whores (it´s still possible but it takes some achieving...) which is actually offset by many males here who, far from their viking past which they will very quickly identify with, are extremely timid and will wait for a woman to pick them out.

going back to the OP and her response to the initial replies. This is what i love about this place and i´m happy to see being back and something that i remember. what i´m referring to is the near - even gender spread here which has led to quite a unique place where the predatory males get bored with the lack of tits and the general niceness which surrounds this place (at least for a beginner from what i remember ) and it´s not some female support group which has bullshit piled on bullshit to make people feel better about themselves. i think this is a great place for people to get an honest opinion from a good mix of people and soap-boxing is met with a healthy tone of scepticism rather than a torrent of "hot story" from horny guys or "me too" from random people who just want to emulate the fakeness (i know it´s not a word) of people who make themselves out to have a more interesting lifestyle than them. i don´t really know the story of the OP and they´ve only just started here and hopefully won´t get scared away dealing with real discussion but i was also met with at least a slight aire of condescension from the end part of the post but then of course that may not have been the intention

i do have to disagree with this part on the grounds that (obviously in my own experience) people will talk about their fetishes but i strongly suspect that they will remain a dream. a great example of this is in the comments of most objects on porn sites, especially the fetish ones (having spent a lot of time on 4chan recently i´ve been exposed to more than my fair share) which are full of guys (well, aboud 90% in my observation) who are dreaming about this or about that and it comes off pretty obviously in their detached-from-reality manner. perhaps this is my own element of frustration speaking but ultimately, and even mentioned in the post is the risk factor which is easy to hide behind and live a "normal" life, which ends up being just that: a normal life.

 

I don't know. Life is long and people usually end up having quite a bit of sex. If they are kinky, they will at least attempt to flex it.

I don't know if 4chan would be considered a balanced slice of any constituency.

I will also say, that what you see today in a lot of porn that is 'extreme' is not exactly the same thing as having a kink. Wanting to watch extremity to masturbate is not the same thing as actually wanting to do those things.

And lastly, kink and fetish are two distinct things. The things we are talking about here thus far are kinks.

Kinks are active. Spanking, bondage, horse play.

Fetishes are attachments to isolated objects or parts of the body: such as feet or nylons.

They can co-exist, such as having a kink for horseplay and a fetish for leather accoutrements.

But they are two distinct sexual expressions.

No big deal, but it's kind of a pet peeve of mine when people use them interchangeably.

 

i´m sure it´s something that has been discussed to death as i just did a quick search realising i never made the distinction and both terms appear to have been borrowed from other meanings with various self-proclaimed experts on the subject of sexuality providing their own interpretation dressed as fact which, to me, provides some level of justification for continuing to not distinguish between them. the small amount of consensus i could find seemed to indicate that kink is active and connected directly with the body (which would include feet) whereas fetish is an attachment to foreign objects which doesn´t explain the term "pee fetish" which i think is almost never referred to as a kink even if it´s quite active and refers to the body directly. extrapolating from this perhaps it´s possible to construe the a kink is perhaps perceived as a more mild form of a fetish (i think it´s safe to refer to spanking and light bdsm as fetish or kink but hard scat would definitely be referred to as a fetish.) also, yes, 4chan is hardly a balanced slice of anything really