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Just say no to NutellaLube...

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by Lindy, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    From the What's your "crack?" thread
    At some risk of making this even more NSFW, I have to shout out a loud warning before someone else actually tries what seemed like such a great idea.

    The warm Nutella was fine with oral and manual manipulation of the male member, (cock never tasted so good:p ) and even the inter-mammary boob-jack.

    BUT, sexual intercourse with Nutellalube (chocolate with finely ground hazelnuts) was a very bad idea.

    Imagine your favorite lube liberally laced with pumice or very fine sand.

    Imagine that in the heat of the moment, you would not notice the irritation right away, so you keep at it until it suddenly turns very painful.

    Imagine begging your partner to stop. (I never want him to stop)

    Imagine puffy tenderness and painful urination.

    Imagine your lady-bits too painful for sex, or even to touch. Then your period starts.

    Imagine, a few days later, explaining to your doctor in graphic detail exactly how you managed to sandpaper the inside of your vagina.:rolleyes:

    A week later, and I'm still sore.
     
  2. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Sugar in the vagina is generally a no, no. It can increase the chance of a yeast infection.

    But it looks like those other ingredients are the perfect storm. Ouch. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Borla

    Borla Moderator Staff Member

    Yikes. Sorry to hear about that!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Stan

    Stan Resident Dumbass

    Location:
    Colorado
    Ouch (but damn amusing).
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Wait....

    Is there nutella flavored lube or were you using actual nutella?

    I was told back in SOC 111, Human Sexuality, to never put anything food related in my vagina. I thought that sounded like good advice.

    Sidenote, my mama thought it was funny to tell people that her daughter got an A+ in Human Sexuality.....
     
    • Like Like x 5
  6. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Well, if it makes you feel any better I once decided it was a great idea to use a warm wash cloth around my johnson and wedge it inbetween my bed's mattresses.
    I rubbed myself raw. :eek::eek::eek:

    Imagine having to take a piss periodically, slowly and painfully "peeling" your underwear down each time for some days. :confused:

    I think I lost a very tiny part of skin for my urethra, so the stream splits easily when peeing to this day (ya don't think you'd need that little tiny centimeter, but y'do guys, it has a value. :oops: )

    Many of us do "inadvisable" things sexually.
    God knows...if they'd only admit it.

    At least you're honest about it.
    Sorry to steal your thunder, but it seems you're not the only one who "doesn't know until they know"...and hoo-boy, do you know now. (ignorance is not bliss)

    Thank you for the PSA though.
    I'll put that on my list of not to do's

    I wonder how many others have had their own sexual misadventures.

    Hope you feel better soon. Seriously.
    You deserve to have your little lady back in great shape. :)
     
  7. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    I think the term "titty fucking" is a little rough around the edges.

    "inter-mammary boob-jack "

    Now that's classy with panache!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. I want to start a band.....
     
    • Like Like x 5
  9. POPEYE

    POPEYE Very Tilted

    Location:
    Tulsa
    I feel soooo bad for you @Lindy but let me say that you are a real trooper for hanging in there and taking a hit for the team
     
  10. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    Ouch!
    One of the few times I am glad I am allergic to tree nuts.
    So sorry you are in that kind of pain.
     
  11. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & be quiet.

    Location:
    Large City, TX
    I'm not trying to be rude, but bits of hazelnuts, or any nut for that matter (excluding testes), in the vagina or anus/rectum combined with intercourse seems like a bad enough idea to stop folks from even trying it.

    To be fair, years ago I learned the hard way that a certain insertion into a very sensitive body part is interesting in theory and in porn, but should be done carefully and fully sober IRL.
     
  12. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    I was told by a guy, when I was younger, that you should use a jelly jar full of warm liver.... He was serious.

    I wonder what kind of infection he died of.

    I treat my lil guy with much respect and care. Even dry rubbing is usually out, and only in dire circumstances.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    Thank you for the update/ reminder.
    I hope that you heal swiftly.
     
  14. ralphie250

    ralphie250 Fully Erect Donor

    Location:
    At work..
    Ouch....

    Sent from my VS990 using Tapatalk
     
  15. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    It's too bad it didn't work out.

    Would have been a great recipe for chocolate cream pie!:D
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Lindy

    Lindy Moderator Staff Member

    Location:
    Nebraska
    But it did work out. Everything was fine and fun up until the vaginal intercourse. We've had sex before without penetration. The silly giggling of two middle-aged teenagers as they rubbed chocolate all over each other. I wish we had made a video.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  17. Shadowex3

    Shadowex3 Very Tilted

    There's an Israeli chocolate spread called HaShachar that has no hazelnuts in it and, if you get the parve (milkless) version, a shelf-life long enough that I've never actually been sure if it even goes bad or not.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  18. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Not completely unrelated, but I fucking love Bamba!
     
  19. But would you love fucking with Bamba?
     
    • Like Like x 4
  20. Baraka_Guru

    Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

    Location:
    Toronto
    Are you hitting on me...?