intj raising esfj?

So...
Anyone have advice for a couple of intj's who are raising an exceptionally extroverted child? She'll be two next month, and her extroverted nature is readily apparent. She wants to be in the middle of the action all the time. It's exhausting for us.

 

Well, it's probably too early to type her reliably with Myers-Briggs, honestly. Traits continue to develop into the early elementary years, and even after that, someone on the cusp can swing back and forth. @noodle could probably say much more than I can in this respect.

However, from an early childhood ed perspective, socialization is important, especially group socialization. That said, since you have her enrolled in a Montessori program, I wouldn't worry about it too much. She'll get her needs met at school for a lot of it, and that's fine. The early years have pretty distinct stages for play: solitary play, parallel play, associative play, then cooperative play. The structure of a Montessori program means that she'll get to move through the stages pretty naturally, at her own pace, and that's a good thing.

 

Snowy, our girl started initiating peekaboo with other children at ~6 months. She has never done that whole parallel play thing people talk about.

I did a quickie Meyer Briggs test for toddlers today, mainly because I wondered if she was really as extroverted as I thought or if I was blowing things out of proportion. I don't want to label her but it helps me to put things in perspective. I myself tested drastically differently with Meyer Briggs when I was 17 vs 21 - so I know that development happens and changes are expected.

 

The introversion vs. extroversion shouldn't distract from what's probably a more important distinction: Be sure to cater to the emotional needs of an SJ "Guardian" type with F over T. As NT "Rationals," you as parents will think things through logically, but such ways of thinking might not often register with your daughter, who will be more keen on seeking security than figuring out how to thrive in an environment that is more geared towards the INTJ individualism/self-motivation. As an ESFJ, she will constantly seek approval from others (but will also be concerned about the well-being of others) and will get frustrated with any lack of control over her environment. This might provide a difficult clashing situation between you as rational parents and her as the emotional child, but at least you will know where she's coming from.

I gleaned this from a few MBTI sites that I frequent. Let me know if you want to unpack this stuff, or if you want links.

And also what @snowy said. Be prepared for her personality type to actually settle on something else when she develops further.

Good luck.

 

Oh wow, that is a really good point! I hadn't thought too much about the implications of SJ. I definitely see the extreme distress over lack of control. I assumed that was just a toddler thing... Her uncle said the other day that she is very much a type A personality - wanting everything in order in her own way. This goes along with control.

When she was potty trained then regressed she had a very hard time letting us change her diaper, and still does. She would scream "my body, no!" And now it's a constant "no thank you!" Can't wait until we're in our own place next week and I can go back to her cloth pull-ups (they don't make disposables in her size and the fam we're staying with is vehemently anti-cloth diapers).