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Inappropriate way to grieve over ex's death while in relationship?

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by chelle, Nov 5, 2014.

  1. chelle

    chelle Vertical

    At 3am on Sunday, 2 young people were killed in a car crash related to alcohol. The driver was someone I knew and was one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet. The other, a woman, I do not know her really but she is my boyfriend's cousin's boyfriend's ex. They have a 4 year old daughter together. They've been broken up for 2 years but he has been with my bf's cousin over a year and even expressed wanting to marry her one day.

    I know some of you may say shame on me for feeling this way because it is insensitive but I can't help but think about how his girlfriend feels. I completely get grieving over someone you love, saying nice things about them, being sad, etc. but he's been posting on Facebook photos of them being romantically involved like kisses, hugs, cuddling, holding hands, etc. Writing long notes about how beautiful and perfect she was, how proud he was of her, how he loves her soo much, how he misses her, how so many things were left unsaid, and calls her "baby" and "babe".

    Like I said, I get the nice compliments, loving someone, sharing nice photos but romantic comments and photos? I would be hurt if I were his girlfriend but of course offer him my full support because of the pain he and his daughter are enduring. My heart does ache for them though and it is extremely sad.
     
    chelle, Nov 5, 2014
    #1
  2. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    People grieve.
    There is often one person in a divorce who has a really difficult time letting go. Even in a really clear mutual divorce, lack of love may not be the motivator.

    Sounds like you aren't familiar enough with the specifics of the situation to understand their grief. I hope the current gf of that man is fully informed and that his Facebook posts do not come as a shock. I hope this becomes a bonding opportunity and allows the man to move on, seeing as how his ex is now dead. I also hope that the 4-year-old will have a stable family life, sounds like that might be one positive out of this sad situation.
     
    genuinemommy, Nov 5, 2014
    #2
    • Like Like x 2
  3. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Location:
    North
    Grief is complicated, even more so for an ex.
    If the only pictures he has are the romantic ones that may be why he's posting them.
    Up to a point I would hope his current partner will be understanding.

    A few years ago a friend of mine died of liver cancer.
    I'd known him since I was 13 and we'd shared many life events.
    He also started sleeping with my ex-wife before we got divorced.
    I still mourned his death and miss him despite all those conflicting emotions.
     
    redravin, Nov 5, 2014
    #3
    • Like Like x 2
  4. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    People will feel how they will feel.
    The key is not to let it interrupt how you feel. (at whatever level)
    You have your reasons, they have theirs.
    You really can't control it.
    And those who judge, aren't living in others' heads.
     
    rogue49, Nov 5, 2014
    #4
  5. ALISTAIR

    Alistair Eurotrash

    Location:
    Reading, UK
    He sounds like an ass. Maybe it's my age but I think the Facebook posts have little/nothing to do with grief and a lot to do with making the drama all about him.

    Maybe he should just cut the Facebook updates (they are completely unnecessary) and talk about what he is genuinely feeling with the person he is with. Maybe also discussing the recently-orphaned 4-year-old and his responsibilities there?

    Pretty words in web-space are mastubatory.
     
    Alistair, Nov 5, 2014
    #5