If my head wasn't screwed on...

So I'm driving to see a client and I'm talking with a co-worker on my cell phone. I get to my destination and I'm starting to gather up the stuff I need for the visit. I grab my bag and my work phone and start looking around for my cell phone. I can't find it. I start wondering if I left it at my previous visit. My co-worker offers to call my number to see if its in the car anywhere. I say "yeah, that's a good idea", hit the end call button and immediately said "found it".
First words out of the co-workers mouth when she called back was "wasn't I just talking to you on this number?"
I muttered something about I meant my work phone and told her I had to go because I was at the clients.
Was thinking about it on the way home and couldn't stop laughing. Easily the stupidest thing I've done in....almost a week.

Anyone care to share an "I'm a dumb ass" story?

 

I was working in a quality control lab. Besides inspecting product, we also inspected and tagged pallets.
One day Carl stopped his forklift in front of the lab's huge picture window, honked, and waved. I smiled, waved back, and went back to inspecting what was in my tray.
He honked again, smiled, held up his pointer finger. And I looked up. I didn't see anything unusual that he could be pointing at. I looked back at him with my hands in the "I dunno" gesture.
He grinned wider, held his finger up again. Again, I looked up, studying the ceiling harder this time. Nothing.
He started laughing and crooked his finger "come here" motion. I walked up to the window, and he again held up his pointer finger. I pressed my face against the window and looked up, trying to figure out what the samhill he was pointing at. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. Totally confused, I shook my head at him.
He climbed down from the forklift and came into the lab, laughing hysterically. He held up his pointer finger and said, "ONE! I have ONE pallet for you to tag."
I didn't live that one down for a while.

 

I was talking to a coworker on the cell few days ago while driving. I reached my destination got out of the car and the reception got worse until I lost connection when I entered the building. Then I realized that I had forgotten the phone in the car.
An other one is that I have been shredding old bank statements and like. I had to take a break and decided to put the stack of remaining pages away so the kids or their friends wouldn't see them. I haven't seen that stack since and I have been looking

 

Pretty good with situational awareness except when it comes to remembering whether or not I locked the front door to the damn house.

I always lock the deadbolt but I can never remember doing it. Gone on vacation for a week? Don't sleep at all worrying about it.

Come to the point that I have to do a sports voodoo routine to burn it into my memory. Get a witness. Do it three times, etc.

It's the stupidest thing... I'm 100% sure of the status of so many things around the house... totally forget locking the door.

 

Sometime in July, I'm driving, with my teenage son in the passenger seat. The son who thinks I'm utterly off my head and know nothing about anything anyway.

Bright sunshine right in my eyes so I fumble madly in my purse for my sunglasses. I then check the top of my head as I often push them up there. No joy, go back to fumbling in purse. My son finally asks me what I'm looking for and offers to look in my purse so I don't kill us both. "I'm looking for my sunglasses," I tell him.

"You're wearing them, Mom," he replies.

And so I was.

 

"Have I closed my front door?"
It does not matter if I heard it click, nor if it looks closed.
I am not satisfied until I have given it a shove and it fails to open.

If I walk on a few yards and remember the click and the look of closeness ... I'll still walk back to give the 'shove' test.

 

I swear I just had that in my hand...now where the hell is it...I haven't moved 5 feet and I've lost the .....insert.......whatever....(usually followed by a few swear words)

 

At times I can be scatterbrained as fuck and will routinely forget stories or plans that have been relayed to me if I haven't gotten them written down somewhere.

Among my worst moments:

A few years ago I left and forgot about an iPod in the seat back pocket of a plane, along with my favorite pair of earbuds at the time.

In grade school I misplaced my house keys. At some point I told my parents and they angrily told me they'd need to replace the locks on all the doors in the house. About a week later, I discovered my keyring hanging from a hook in the wall of my bedroom. It had been right in front of my face the entire time.

 

My most recent wtf gaffe is I somehow lost the remote for the living room tv that I keep in the kitchen to use while I cook.
I've looked everywhere, including the freezer and fridge, still no rc.
Kinda gives me the creeps. Maybe we have Littles.