I Really Want to Date My Best Friend's Sister

Dear Tilted folk, I need your input here.

I have known my best friend (V) for about ten years, since the ripe old age of twelve. We make music together, we have traveled together, we practically went through schooling as Siamese twins. I can say pretty definitively that he is my most solid dude on this planet. He'd probably say the same. OK you get it, really good friend.

It's not him I want to date though, it is his older sister, who happens to be five years my senior.

Oddly enough I had never honestly met her (M) all those years we knew each other until last May (which I do think helps my case a bit). However the three of us have been spending a good deal of time together for months, and big sis and I have really hit it off. Our conversation always drifts to the possibility of us getting together, but we both admit to feeling somehow bound to avoid each other out of loyalty to V. The sexual tension is off the fucking charts. Like to the point where it causes me physical discomfort.

It is something more than mere infatuation though, which I've been careful to discern. She gets my sense of humor, I love listening to her voice when she speaks. We have similar interests, we studied the same things in college. We push each other's buttons in all the right ways. Effortless. We are both looking for something serious. I had planned on moving to her city long before we met.

Well,

This past weekend we were together at a backyard barbecue (drinking steadily all day) and couldnt manage to stay off of each other. Nothing much besides a lot of kissing, which we kept about as private as we drunkenly could. But I'm just not sure where to go from here, if anywhere.

V is not particularly protective of M owing to their age gap, and when I brought up my crush on her (back when it was only that) he seemed to shrug it off, saying that at the very least i was a good guy who would treat her right. Still he is not usually very open about his qualms and tends to keep a level sort of demeanor. And his current head-space (unsatisfied with job, recent bad breakup) makes me even more hesitant to divide my affections.

I feel like I have a lot to lose either way here. Anyone else ever been there? what does one do?

 

I'm not sure that I understand what the problem is. If you are both into each other, isn't that good?

 

Two thoughts.
1. Basically the only thing that matters is whether or not you're an asshole. Don't be an asshole and there shouldn't be any problems.

2. Don't be surprised if it fizzles out in a hurry; forbidden fruit is the sweetest, they say.

 

i don't see a problem, just date her and treat her respectfully... tell your best friend that, whatever happens, he will still be your best friend...

 

How great is it that you've hit it off so well and so easily! Best case, you stay together, get married, your best friend becomes family, happily ever after and all that. Worst case, it does fizzle after a while, as relationships will do from time to time; V resents you for a little while, but--being as close as you two are--will come back around. I appreciate that you both have taken V's feelings into consideration; with that in mind, maybe you and M, as a couple, can have a conversation with V about how you feel for each other (you and M that is; he probably knows how you feel about him). I wouldn't necessarily go so far as to ask for his blessing, espescially since he's not particularly protective of her.

After everything, the heart wants what the heart wants. You have genuine and honorable affections for her, and she for you. Your heart knows how it wants to proceed; your brain is working on catching up.

 

thank y'all for the feedback!

I'll have to keep the possibility in mind that my interest hinges on her being "off-limits." Although part of me says it's quite the opposite - as in, i AM more drawn to her for being my friend's sister, but mostly because it means I'm already totally sold on her family. And there's a certain familiarity there that I believe makes it easier to relate.

Really it is very encouraging to hear that some of you don't see any issue. I am usually one to over-analyze. I guess I recognize that it could blow up on me and the risk has me concerned. But as a few of you have let on, if I conduct myself like an adult there's no (rational) reason that any kind of fall out should be held against me.

So yeah, proceeed with caution is what I'm hearing. Which is cool because I didn't think I could turn away if I tried. And I'll be on my best behavior - Scout's Honor

 

May or may not be relevant to this situation, but whatever:

 

Yah. Well, hopefully a little patience will help me figure just how relevant it is

 

Mm, the only thing more dangerous than your scenario is fucking your best friend's exgirlfriend.

I had that dangling in front of my face for a good month and--damn--it was way tempting.

But in the end I decided that it was far easier to replace a fuckslot than a good friend.

 

you raise a valid point. And I'm pretty sure I dont even know what the reality of the situation is yet. My mind is changing too much and too frequently to really consider taking any action right now.

So is it a waiting game? I guess maybe that's it. I do worry that I am romanticizing her a bit because im not sure the opportunity will always be there. Or rather that im sure it wont be.

::sigh::

sometimes I wish I just had another coupla brains hanging where my testes reside. They seem to bring nothing but trouble these days.

 

Just date her. As long as you are a good partner, and respectful of her as a human being, then it's not your friend's place to pass judgment. This is one of those things I really don't understand: treating friends dating family members of friends as though it were some sort of potential personal insult or something. If you treat his sister well, he should be glad you're both happy. If you don't treat her well, it shouldn't matter that she's his sister, he should disapprove whoever she is.

 

I would, but genuinegirly's super wholesome bright side response totally took the wind out of my sails.

She's just so... wholesome. She likes plants. And kites. And smiling.

...it's like white noise. So peaceful.

I can hear my own heart beating.

Make it stop.​

 

i like where your heads at Levite. I dont really get why there is such a stigma either, but i suppose intentions have a lot to do with it. The whole thing is a bit silly in my eyes, but I can't really predict how my dudebro will react without bringing it up and thus potentially ruffling some feathers anyway.

i'm not opposed to the new thread title. I totally do want to bang my friends sister. just like, lovingly, and maybe every day.
--- merged: Sep 6, 2012 at 5:35 PM ---
and genuinegirly, you make my heart sing. nice to meet ya