How to not think about your next relationship and just enjoy being single.

I joined this group a couple years ago and haven't been around for awhile, however even though I don't think I really made any close connections here, I still remember enjoying it and i've been meaning to come back. I hope it's okay with you guys that I finally have... maybe this time i'll actually make some connections. It seems my last post here was over a year ago when my ex and I broke up and you guys had some nice words for me. This is yet again another relationship related post, but much different from the last.

Let me also say that I know i'm long-winded. There's no such thing as a short post from me. I apologize in advance.

I have made a ton of progress (in being happy with myself) since last year when my ex and I broke up, but it took me a long time. After the break up I spent a month feeling numb and completely focused on finding a new place to live. She spent that month trying to get me to stay. Eventually the numb feeling went away and I turned into a wreck. We remained in contact and still had a very toxic/emotional relationship (even though I moved out and we never actually got back together). I just couldn't let go, and neither could she. We went back and forth, being friends one minute and then fighting the next, for a long time. Despite this, the times that I wasn't with her were good, I started making some new friends, things at work were going well, and eventually (months and months later) it really started sinking in that we were never going to be together again, I could live without her, and things were going to be okay. We both slowly stopped putting effort into our "friendship" and at this point we are no longer communicating.

It was like a long, painful, drawn-out death of a relationship that once was.

Eventually I think I actually started liking being single. Maybe? I don't know. I say to my friends that I enjoy being single now but i'm not entirely convinced that i'm telling the truth. I know i'm totally over my last relationship, but I kinda miss having one. I do love the freedom of being single, I love sleeping by myself, I love making my own decisions, and I especially love that I find it so easy to make friends when i'm not with someone... but I think at least part of my focus has always remained on finding a partner. And I hate that.

When I met this girl online back in May, we were chatting for a few weeks before we met up, and in my mind we were so perfect for each other and I couldn't help but day dream of us being together. When we finally met up I felt disappointed that there was no spark between us. And then in August I started causally dating this girl who was never truly available to me, and even though I totally kept my cool on the outside, on the inside I was always thinking about what it would be like to be in a serious relationship with her. After about a month she couldn't decide if she wanted to keep causally dating or actually be with me so I made her decision easier and just ended everything (which I feel was the right decision and a sign of personal growth, looking back I was way more into her than she was into me, yet I was still able to move on quickly).

And now things in my life are changing a bit... long story short (ha, yeah right), i'm being laid off from my job and i've decided to apply for a working holiday visa in New Zealand (hoping to move there in January of February). In an attempt to meet some friends before I get there i've been chatting with this girl online, and then of course my mind wanders... what if we meet and we really hit it off? What if we start a relationship? What if...... fak I can't turn my mind off from thinking about relationships!!

The thing is, I truly do like myself and I think I am mostly happy with being single. I have friends. I play in sports leagues. I am not afraid of change. I make life plans. I do enjoy my own company, I think i'm an intelligent/creative person. I know i'm not desperate for a relationship (let's just say that i've had a number of offers that i've decided not to pursue). And to be honest i'm kind of weary about getting into a relationship for fear that it would be horrible like my last serious one. But I can't stop thinking about the potential. Whenever I meet someone who I may kinda have a thing for I start to day dream about us being together. I'm always thinking about the possibility of being in a (good) relationship with someone.

I would like an honest opinion... is that normal? Is there anyone else who does the same thing?

Is it actually possible to enjoy being single? What if you're the kind of person who just loves cuddles and (non casual) sex and would like to eventually settle down with someone awesome... is it still possible to enjoy being single? If so... how?

 

Thanks for the welcome

I think my problem is that i'm not sure where that line in. Not sure where the line in between normal what ifs and thinking about it too much.