How to have longer lasting orgasms

Hello, all. This problem has been bothering me for the longest time. I can only have very short (2-3 sec) through clitoral stimulation. I've never orgasmed vaginally. I don't use penetration during masturbation because that doesn't get me off. I enjoy being fingered very much however don't do it myself during masturbation because I hate the texture down there. I know that many women don't orgasm through penetration and that's not an issue. But I would like to experience long, mind blowing orgasms I read about other women having. I'm impatient and have very short attention span to boot. Don't get me wrong, I love making out and enjoy intimacy. I do get very wet during foreplay but I just don't think I'm getting the quality orgasms. I'm just wondering if there anything I can do to train myself to orgasm better, if there's such a thing. I guess I just think too much during sex. I know conventional advices already such as "just enjoy the journey" or "relax" or "don't try too hard". I'm looking for someone who had this problem and was able to solve it (or helped a partner with this problem) in some ways. I know I'm being somewhat gibberish but I'm desperate to start enjoying my sex life to the fullest as I'm a mature woman who should already have this down. Btw my partner is very supportive and want to help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

 

So, in your post, you only talk about masturbation, vaginal penetration, foreplay. What about oral? How have your orgasms been with that? And, secondarily, have you had a partner who is expert with his/her tongue? Also, do you have any better luck with vibrators of different kinds?

Also, okay, so they're shorties? But what about mutiples? Sometimes quantity is just as good as quality: have you had any luck having multiple orgasms? Sometimes it's easier to just keep pushing them than to try and prolong a specific individual one.

One other thing: even if you get pretty wet, maybe try a little lube? Sometimes it can make a difference.....

 

Hmm... You have a point there about quantity. I can have multiple orgasms especially when masturbating. I use my over twenty years old vibrator on my clit and can achieve orgasm rather quickly and as many as I want. I just lose interest after a couple. I used to have a lover who was expert on giving oral (best I've ever had). My orgasms were still short but more satisfying for some reason. I could actually feel my hot lady juice come out from deep within. But it's a long and arduous with for the guy because he would have to be fingering me also. The only thing was that he really enjoyed doing it and was not really interested in penetration. I still miss him specifically for that reason. I shall try lube but are you suggesting I use that on my clit? One more thing my orgasm is a little longer/stronger if I use only my hand on clit but it takes way longer. I guess I'm too impatient to have a proper orgasm. Thank you for your advices.

 

So maybe try to find a partner who's very expert at oral, and into penetration also, and who's willing to do some experimentation. You might find that with the right partner's skills, you don't have to be fingered at the same time to get an orgasm during oral. Or if you still do, maybe s/he will have a different method that won't be so exhausting (sometimes just the occasional tickle on the g-spot can get the job done in such situations), or maybe try oral while getting dildoed/vibed inside (maybe time to upgrade your hardware, too?), or maybe s/he's just an expert tongue-fucker and that gets it going for you. But you know, play around with options.

And don't necessarily rule out the vag orgasm: you might just need an assist. I had a fling with a chick who never, never, never orgasmed through penetration (not a rare phenomenon), but she strapped on a butterfly while we did it, and came all the harder for me being inside while she was getting her vibe on.

And yes, lube on the clit: if you're primarily going for clitoral stimulation, that's where you need the lube.

 

I'm really being candid here but I can come with just oral but feels so much better with finger in. I get very excited about penis mentally but the physical excitement wears off pretty quickly. I have tried huge penis and regular penis and my vagina is not as impressed as with tongue, vibrator, or hand. I have a few different size dildos but it never really gets the job done. I did try a vibrating cock ring last time with my huge penis man and I did like that quite a bit. You know, I do have a butterfly collecting dust in my lady toy chest! I've been neglecting it because it wasn't the remote controlled kind that I fancied. I just had lunch with my lover and got pretty hot and bothered. We both needed to head home so we promised to together sooner rather than later. Maybe I'll try the butterfly with him. I will be scratching off an item on my bucket list if I can pull off a vaginal orgasm because I'm extremely curious as to what the difference may be. Wow, thank you so much, Levite, for all your help.

 

Providing orgasm assistance is what I do.

 

While I have no place giving advice on this, but have you tried edging? Does that even work for women? Basically get close to orgasm and then stop for a while until you do that cycle a few times to build it up.

How long does it take you to have an orgasm now if you don't use the vibrator? Does that feel any different?

Have you tried something like Orgasmic Meditation? I think there is a lot of extra stuff that isn't needed, but 15 minutes of slow rubbing might lead to a different type of orgasm.

[NSFW]

View: https://youtu.be/X7bCke4LyKs?t=3m44s

 

Hello, First off, I am new to this forum and do not want to step on anyone's toes so, please forgive me if I am "intruding" on someone else's post .
I have always thought there was something wrong with me and felt like I was "less than a woman" because I have never had vaginal orgasms, and not for a lack of trying on my part! I can masturbate and orgasm, and I can orgasm with oral stimulation, although that takes longer. but never vaginally. It is something that emotionally takes it toll because love making and intimacy is such an important part life. You read about it (thanks Cosmo.)and hear so many women talk about it that when it doesn't happen for you, you can't help but feel like a loser. I have perfected the "Fake "Big O" better than Meg Ryan in the When Harry met Sally scene "I'll have what she's having" thus, making me even a "Bigger Loser" . Any thoughts or suggestions would mean a lot!
Oh, I really hate to ask a stupid question but here goes........ what is a Butterfly! I have heard of butterfly exercises to strengthen the pelvic muscles however, I realize that is not what you are referring to. Sorry to be so naïve/stupid.
Thanks

 

First of all, not all women orgasm vaginally. It's OK, there's nothing wrong with it. It might just not be a way that works for you. So first off, try to relax and de-stress about it. If you do prove to be a vaginal orgasmer, you'll find out a lot quicker the less pressure you put on yourself and the more relaxed about it you are.

And don't consider yourself a loser: it's fine to ask questions, and it's okay to admit to inexperience. There's nothing wrong with either, and one can only learn by asking and inquiring. It doesn't make you either naive or stupid.

As for oral, it may take a while because your partner is inexpert, or because s/he doesn't know what you like best. Do you communicate clearly about your sexual likes and dislikes? We have a lot of remaining idiotic stigma in this country about women telling their partners how to please them-- old-timey crap about being "too forward" or about women being not supposed to have sexual needs or about men being supposed to "just know" how to please a woman. Fuck all that: if you want better sex, you have to communicate clearly with your partner about what you like and what you want-- and I say "you" in a general sense, I am not making presumptions about what you personally do or do not do. If your partner is inexperienced orally, or if you are not 100% sure what will work better for you, try having him/her read some sex manuals and refresh themselves on female genital anatomy. Trust me, I started off with "The Joy of Sex" and "Gray's Anatomy" and it proved the foundation for further learning and experimentation which has paid off in spades for pleasing the ladies with my mouth. Totally worthwhile.

Also, you speak of vaginal and oral, but what about vibrators and other sex toys? Those can be absolutely key to better orgasms: there are some women who simply require the extra intensity of vibration to orgasm faster, or even at all. And that is also OK, and nothing wrong with it.

The "Butterfly" I referred to is a strap-on vibrator that sits right over the clit, and because it is both hands-off and comparatively unobtrusive, it can be a critical aid in helping maximize orgasmic pleasure during intercourse-- including anal intercourse, for which it can be a great boon.

 

"We have a lot of remaining idiotic stigma in this country about women telling their partners how to please them-- old-timey crap about being "too forward......................."
OMG, if that isn't the Gospel truth!
Why is it that so many men seem to take it personal if a woman tries to tell him what she likes or doesn't like? It's as though we are emasculating them by wanting to show them what we enjoy. And why do so many woman, me included, are either to embarrassed to say anything or are worried their partner will be offended or, as you said will feel as if the woman is being to forward?

Levite, thank you for all of the advice and words of wisdom. I will take your advice and try not to put so much pressure on myself and emphasis on having a vaginal orgasm. I am going to order the Butterfly though and give it a try.

Again, thanks.