How does one build an identity?

I'm going through a period of a lot of changes in my life lately, and I feel like every aspect of myself has shifted. Now, I get to make a lot of decisions about what parts of myself to keep, and what to get rid of. I'm just not quite sure where I want to be going or where my priorities should be. So how do you go about building an identity?

 

If you get a good answer to this one let me know. I never really built an identity to begin with. I just seem to meander through time.

 

That's one way to do it. I'm not sure if I'm looking at it the right way, but I feel that if I don't grow and change myself, that I won't be able to reach my "full potential" (whatever the hell that means). I'm such a fluid person, that I find I don't ever really get anything accomplished in drifting from idea to idea and place to place. Are there any sort of burning passions that you have and things that you would like to create/discover?

 

Don't be false. An identity is. IMHO, or something like that.

 

I'd say build yourself around what makes you happy, some goals you want to achieve.....

 

I just got out of a relationship with a guy who needed me to be consistent. As I am very flighty and anything but consistent, it was something that I couldn't really do.

The reason that I was considering that this might be a problem is because when I say I'm going to do something, I want to be able to uphold that. But it seems that I really have a lot of trouble with it. So it started with, "I want to be the kind of person who..." and then I'd insert a thing that I felt I was lacking that would help me to reach my goals. This is all sort of turning into a big project where I try editing out things to see what works and what doesn't. But does everyone have a sort of foundation of ideals that they stick to? I certainly have a foundation of things that I feel, but there's not a lot of action where all of these things are concerned.

 

I asked my roommate if he considered himself a model of rectitude & consistency. He laughed quite heartily before admitting "No." It's all good, Lirpa, ain't it?

 

How does one build an identity? Endless repetition or blunt force trauma.

You are what do you over and over, and you are what you do under stress.

...

Now... as cool as it is to be an individual searching for deep existential meaning in life, make sure you're enough of a sellout that you wear pants and have a some type of employment that provides you a means to acquire the bottom two slices of Maslow's hierarchy. Take Vinny Van Gogh for example: lose part of your ear as a troubled artist: emo awesomeness. Lose part of your ear as a hobo: You're just a stupid hobo. Don't be that hobo.

 

How is it that you have 117 likes already?

 

because he's a consummate smart ass and gets compared to sodomy.... and for some odd reason, that all translates into some good ole advice giving....
--- merged: Sep 4, 2011 7:51 PM ---
that boy has years on him....

 

How?

First of all, list some things which have been and jolly well shall remain true of you regardless of the changes you are going through. Some of those things will be values you have decided to be 'core'; others will be aspects which, if they changed, you would to totally unrecognizable to you. I (Lirpa) would be so 'not me' that nothing would make sense.

Then you no longer build a 'new' identity, you merely confirm and 'Build On' what you now realise is your identity as distinct from things you can walk away from.

We move house: as you say, some things we get to keep, and others we leave behind. What are those things you MUST bring with you ... that's your core.

That your overall life-direction and priorities are shifting means that your SENSE of 'identity' will be stretched. True, every "Aspect" can shift, but you can feel, can't you, the difference between 'fracturing' and 'becoming'. In 'Becoming', the glue still holds the aspects. Like plate tectonics, the shape of your entire world is changing, perhaps stuff which previously might have felt eternal and immutable. But what they are floating on is constant - in flux, but constantly so. In this next few days and weeks, you get to find your sense of stability which transcends these changing things. Then the new things are what begin to stick to and embellish your core sense of stability.


That still leaves you with the job of making those decisions as you work out where you want to go and what your priorities should be, but that is a different question from building a new identity. And KNOWING your Core identity means you keep your 'compass' - you are in touch with your 'pole star'.

So ... list your priorities and place them at different distances from the 'pole star' ... either in closeness, or in degrees of direction. Some will 'feel' closer than others. Some will be individually indispensable, others' will be conditional - only important as long as other priorities are satisfied. Some will be out of date ... essential in the past, but no longer pointing in the direction of your star. For now, don't worry about asking 'What should they be'. Concentrate on acknowledging ALL of them ... and ask how they fit together, and how they can fit better together. For then you know you are honouring all of you.

Precis: Note what remains constant in your life and values come what may. Then find how other priorities and values shall fit around those. What to actually DO then becomes a bit clearer.

best wishes.

BTW, crucial question: Time frames? Is there a period within which you must make these decisions about the future? What's the window?

 

Plan9 puts the "smart" in "smart ass". And he's decent enough to not be all passive-agressive pissy when things don't go his way.

Oh, and he's the most likely to produce santorum on this whole board. It's like every third post of his.

As for the OP: you decide what you like - qualities of people, ideas, phrases, tones of voice - then make them your own.

 

you build an identity through experience and response, experience and response, experience and response...there really is no way to stop it.
you may not realize you already have an identity, but you do.

 

I dare anyone to decipher my identity. I may have one to a degree but if i have no contact with other people for the most part does it really manifest or matter?

 

All I can say is that you should not focus on projecting an image to others or concern yourself with how you are seen.

The only question you need to concern yourself with is: are you happy with the way you see yourself?

When you are, and you can answer that question confidently in the affirmative, the rest will fall into place as it happens.

 

Shakespeare wrote "to thine own self be true"

You are what you are. To change your identity, to portray something you are not will lead to inner conflict. Accentuate what you feel are you most positive aspects. Work on you negatives, but at all times, be yourself. You're probably much more critical of yourself than others are, and you're the one who has to live with your identity. So be yourself. Just make yourself as good as you can be.

 

Lirpa, you've asked the 60 million dollar question. I have managed to reinvent myself a couple times, but it's always involved either uprooting my entire life and relocating somewhere where no one knew me and I could escape from old habits and perceptions, or as Plan9 so aptly put it, lots of "blunt force trauma."

 

Mmm, let's venture to the gloomy side of existential masturbation:

Indeed.

 

Pick random traits from a hat*, and choose a nickname that epitomizes these various traits. Wear a hat, or something. If these work, let me know, and I'll try them myself.

* said hat should be filled with random traits, both good and bad, before hand. Also if you wear this hat, you should probably empty it before putting it on your head...

 

Steal someone else's identity and start from there. Kind of like flipping a house.

Works for musicians and actors!