Funerals: Do you go to them?

I try to attend all family funerals. Other funerals, I attend the viewings or service at the funeral home, just to pay respects and if I knew the person in some capacity. Graveside, only close family. People I don't respect (like my ex in-laws) or people that majorly fucked with me, I don't go to their funerals. I see funerals primarily as being for those left behind, as a means of comfort and support and if I can help do that, then I attend.

 

I go to as few as possible. Close family mainly. I never know what to say at them.

 

I don't remember my last count but it was more than 75, less than 100. I go when it means something to me or when that two seconds of eye contact I may get with someone who is hurting will mean something to them. I now know the popular bible stories and have half the songs memorized. Often times, though, I went to the viewing only because of my work schedule or to see the family. Sometimes I did both, but rarely.

 

i second noodle. i'd never go to one because i needed to. i'd suck it up and go to one though if i thought it meant something to someone i cared for.

 

If I am dead before my fathers wife, I have arranged for a drag queen in a laura ashley ball gown to represent me (he has put on weight and may need duct tape) as she is homophobic. A pakistani muslim offered to go as she is xenophobic, someone else asked if he could go and take a pee on the box in the hole. I have asked that they all wear ruby slippers, click heels in unision, and ask to be taken back to Kansas.
I go to family that I like - not many there, to the funerals of people involved in rescue - and my dogs come too to represent the animals. Big regret is that when it was a chap called Johnny who died, I didnt ask his family if I could pick up his pig to come to the service until some time after. They said he would have laughed at that. I go to the funerals of those I like and those I love.
My friends aunt died. One bitch of a relative was told, and she told no-one. My friend found out after the funeral, at which the only people present were the four undertakers, who sang her requested song. She had many friends who felt great sorrow at not having been told, they would have wanted to go and pay their respects. Its rather a terrible sort of funeral I think, one with no one there. My same friend worked with people who were ill or dying, and if they had no family, she always turned out for their funerals as she thought someone ought to mark their passing other than strangers.

 

Yes. I have been attending funerals since I was a wee lad (probably 2 years old). I don't want to attend funerals because they are utterly depressing, but I go anyways just to hear the stories or look at the pictures of the deceased when they were alive. I try to distract myself by checking out the coffin design and the flowers that are around the coffin.

 

I like funerals, as they are great reminders of what we are and that we are not this for very long.

I also like to make physical contact with the body. I abhor the tacky flowers and ugly-looking coffins, but the body is forever fascinating to me. Even in this state of shell, I feel compelled to rub their chests or tap their waxy fingers, acknowledging the vibrating life that once animated this form.

Our culture is so backward about death, which I feel makes the reality of it all much harder for us to swallow. I decided long ago to become familiar with death and its proceedings, as I knew it is an integral part of living and needed to establish my own comfort level with it. I've been present for two deaths and felt these were probably the most honorable positions I have ever held in my life; being included in someone's last moments. I wish we had a more celebratory way of handling, funerals, though.

Nobody knows what to say and nobody remembers what you do say, when you attend a funeral. Your presence is remembered, however. It is remembered as an act of compassion. Being present is the least we can do, as the lucky who get to continue.

I go to funerals if I have had a significant relationship with either the deceased or any of the family members. I would go, if the colleague was someone that you interact with on a daily basis, but not if they are just a casual acquaintance. In that case, send a card.

 

I was raised going to funerals, so they dont bother me, heck my daddy's family still did the "sitting up with the dead in the living room" (didnt use funeral homes for visitation). I do my best to go to family and people close to me, fortunately all my family is here in Ga or in SC so travelling isnt that big a deal. If its friends family etc, I make every effort to go to the visitation (or the funeral if its on a weekend)

 

It is expected of me, so I go. Skipping a funeral is like taking a dump on the deceased, in my family. Sometimes they bother me, other times I don't feel a thing. I suppose it correlates to how often I was in contact with the deceased, and how the latest meeting went.

The earliest funeral in my life I remember was odd, as I barely had any contact with that person; but I was in tears the whole time. The next major funeral, some years later, I had a close relationship to the person but the tears never came. When my older brother told me she was dead I simply said "Oh, fuck" and that was it.

My most recent funeral was a mixed bag. I saw my grandpa laying in the hospital bed, lifeless. I managed to hold my emotions back until everyone else left the room, but then I fell apart as I held his hand and said my goodbyes. I was one of the coffin bearers at the funeral; first time I did that. They had hired a professional singer (and a well known actor who starred in a popular TV show many years ago), and he sang Amazing Grace with an amazing voice. Heartbreaking and soul warming at the same time.

Thankfully I was more concerned about screwing up my coffin bearer duties than mourning when the time came for that, so I managed to remain composed.

Never told anyone this. Thank God for the anonymity of the interwebz eh?

 

I go to funerals especially if I knew the person, but I have gone to funerals of people I don't know but have close ties with their relatives, just to support I suppose. When my step father died when I was 24 I was devastated, (he was the only real dad I had known as my biological father was a substance abuser and a real nasty piece of work) I can remember the feeling of floating for several weeks as his funeral was postponed due to the inquest (he died on a motorbike). I can't actually remember the funeral.
When my biological father died I visited his body in the funeral home and talked to him for hours telling him exactly what I thought of him and what I wanted to say when he was alive but with no risks of having a slap. Was wonderful therapy.

 

Sure, I go. Part of being a rabbi, you do funerals. And since my wife is also a rabbi, I sometimes go to hers also. Not to mention family and friends, of course.

If a funeral is well-led by the officiant and decently organized, it can be really amazing. Badly-led or disorganized funerals, OTOH, can be nightmares.

I take my responsibility to lead funerals very seriously. Helping to respectfully bury the dead and help mourners grieve are considered some of the most paramount and urgent responsibilities that every Jew has. We set a lot of stock on showing up for funerals and for those who are sitting shiva (it is our custom that when a person loses a close family member, they do not leave their house for seven days following the funeral, and during this time they focus on mourning and grieving, and do not do extensive personal grooming or wear finery, or feast, or have entertainments. They grieve, and friends and family come to their house to sit with them, to talk or be silent with them, to bring them food and drink, to share memories of the deceased, etc., and to make quorums for prayer so that the traditional mourner's prayer can be recited). Leading a good funeral, and good shiva services, I can help families who are going through some of the hardest moments of their lives find some peace, and feel supported struggling with all the difficult questions and feelings that death brings out in all of us.

 

I go to funerals, but I hate doing it. First of all, the funeral service industry is a way for families of people who can deal with being around dead bodies to extort tens of thousands of dollars from people who are grieving, in shock, or both, and therefore not in a mental state to think out everything that goes into a funeral in the two or three days you have before you bury the dead person. So once the grieving family has been bilked out of all that money, everyone dresses up and goes to the wake, goes through a robotic set of motions because that's what you do. After half an hour of standing in line, I get up to the family, who probably aren't any happier about having to sit there hearing "I'm so sorry for your loss, he/she was a great man/woman" five hundred times than I am for having to wait in line and worry that I'm not going to sound sincere enough even though I am truly sorry for their loss, or I'm going to forget someone's name, or I'm going to have to fart, or that someone in line is going to try to talk to me and have one of those awkward at-a-funeral conversations where you're trying to ignore the fact that you're trying to have a polite conversation without distracting people from their mourning or saying something inappropriate like "Wouldn't it make more sense to take a number instead of standing in line? I'm pretty sure he's not going anywhere."

It's even worse when it's someone in my family. I'm expected to sit up front and be at the center of the the whole weird, morbid ritual. No chance of ducking out after half an hour after I've made my way around the room and moped about it with everyone. Nope, I'm expected to sit there for a full 4 hours on top of the hour I've spent being instructed what to do by the crooks that run the funeral home and the hour I'm going to have to be there afterward while the rest of the family ... actually, I have no idea what the fuck they're doing but I have to stand around for it.

Fuck all of that. When I die, cremate me and throw the ashes somewhere that don't occupy a chunk of land that could be useful. I'm an atheist, so you don't even have to worry about prayers. Maybe say something nice about me, that'll probably make everyone feel a little better. Take a tenth of the money you would have spent on the funeral, fly in friends and family who couldn't afford to make it, and get a few kegs of beer and some nice food. No Only a little bit of moping, I want everyone to stuff their faces, get drunk, and remember the good times. If you have enough money for some fireworks, save some of my ashes and send me off like Hunter S. Thompson. Everyone likes fireworks. Fireworks make people happy. That's what you need when someone dies, something to make you happy.

 

If the deceased is not a blood relative, I don't go.
Same problem as Cayvmann.

 

Regardless of how the funeral is staged, it should be about two things: 1) Remembering the person who died and 2) Comforting those who are still alive

I have been to a number of funerals, the best ones were more like wake, where there was a celebratory air to the whole thing. When I die, I want there to be a party where people laugh and remember the good stuff, not get all sad about the fact that I am dead.

 

I only to to funerals of people I know, and, more generally, that I'm close to. That excludes a lot of extended family, since I'm not close to them, and most of my friends, since I have few but lasting bonds.

Workplace related: Never (bad ju-ju).
It's good to be aware, supportive, etc... but never a co-worker of any sort.